Since I was young, the idea of being presentable (physically) has been emphasized to me. Physical appearance dictates first impressions and sometimes even the only impression people get of you. Especially if you are Black, or a minority. Even though my family wasn’t the most always financially stable, that never showed through our looks. That has translated well into my adulthood. I could be going through the wprst period of my life and it would never show when I step out the house.
I wouldn’t call it keeping up appearances, but rather making sure others couldn’t use our physical appearance as a justification for mistreatment. In hindsight, in certain scenarios it wouldn’t matter. Without diving too deep into respectability politics (a long conversation for another time), my family understood how physical appearance dictated first impressions which opened up more doors of opportunity.
Which brings me to a sentiment I have always understood:”beauty is money and money is beauty”. I know this saying is usually reserved for time. Nonetheless, I believe beauty is equally fitting, if not even more. Since I have been a young girl I have understood the concept of beauty as money.
When I was young girl, in a period of rejecting girlhood, I rebelled against the idea of pretty privilege. Maybe as an insecurity of not always thinking of myself as pretty in my awkward phase or desiring to be “not like the other girls”, I didn’t buy into the idea of beauty as currency. I always looked presentable (I mean I am my mother’s daughter), I did spend time analyzing my looks and wardrobe, wishing for and trying to replicate outfits and hairstyles seen on TV, but I also really wanted to reject the reality of women being judged by their looks first.
These complicated feelings did not allow me to properly enjoy investing in my looks until my 20s to be frank. Maybe because I was tired of fighting the patriarchy, or realized that allowing it to have such an effect on me was more detrimental than actually enjoying what I wanted to do…
Nonetheless growing up in the era of 2000s rom-coms, movies and tv shows that featured thin beautiful girls or promoted makeovers for “regular girls”, the eras of breast augmentations, Brazilian butt lifts and liposuctions, it is hard for a girl to not see how important beauty is.
We live in a world where the way you look and dress alone can help pay for bills. Where cosmetic plastic surgery is a booming business. Investing in your looks, or in more preferably terms, “self-care” can get quite expensive as well. Between skin care, makeup, clothes, hair, nails… being a bad bitch ain’t cheap!
Is it worth it? Absolutely.
First, personally, it is FUN. I love spending my last brain cells thinking about which outfit to wear. I enjoy styling clothes and when I feel restless I do my hair as a way to calm myself. A new hairstyle, a new clothing item always lifts my mood. I feel better and more confident when I look good. I feel physically better when I eat healthy and exercise. And even though I hate to say this and have internal struggles about this, I am easier on myself and feel better when I am at a certain weight. Is it also for the male gaze? I can’t honestly say it never is. But, what I for sure do know is that I feel great!
What I know is that my fashion sense makes me more relatable, it is easier to initiate a conversation amongst strangers, it gets me noticed in the room, I seem more fun. And the same goes for the other girlies. I take notice of a cute dress, a well done makeup, flawless hairstyle. Girls seem happier when they look good, life is easier, lighter, a bit more colorful.
Secondly, we still live in a world of pretty privilege. Bringing back the male gaze, unfortunately we still live in a patriarchy which impacts the way women behave. Yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it is still beauty, not kindness, intelligence, BEAUTY. That is the first thing people see.
Therefore, is it wrong for women (or even men) to invest in their looks? Can we shame women for paying thousands to get body they desire? Can we judge the girlies who invest in their looks as shallow?
Recently finished watching Ugly Betty which I thoroughly enjoyed. The premise of the show is how Betty was considered “ugly” because she didn’t meet the beauty standards of the fashion world. Throughout the show, Betty’s character shined through, her kind personality influenced other people, bringing out the best of themselves, she is able to climb the ranks at the fashion magazine “despite” her looks. So yes, other characteristics of a person do matter. Nonetheless we see that Betty took time to explore her own fashion sense and in the last season particularly we see how simultaneously her confidence and fashion sense grow. As she moves up in rank, gets a bigger paycheck, she starts to look more fashionable, able to afford her own unique sense of style without compromising her character. Also, I believe that she begins to get better opportunities because she begins to invest in her looks. She feels more like she belongs. It is all connected.
Investing in your looks, is investing in yourself. I like to see it as how reading enriches your vocabulary, knowledge of the world.
Investing in your looks, is investing in yourself. There is a perception of yourself that is placed out there, a perception of great first impressions, a perception that you know how to take care of things that matter to you.
If you invest in yourself, others are more willing to invest in you.
I understand that this post may seem like encouraging people to conform to beauty standards. This is not completely untrue. However, the main point is that we should not look down on others who choose to, especially when it allows them to access easier and richer experiences.
It’s easy to preach body positivity and self love when you’ve never struggled with how optics affect you. But when you are part of a marginalized community, the way you present yourself physically affects the way people perceive and treat you. A skinny girl in sweats is fashionable. A heavier set girl is sweats is sloppy and lazy.
Love your nose, love your hair, love your body. However if you are concerned about something and have the means to safely change it (during your adulthood- please let puberty do its thing) or to invest up-keeping your looks and personal style, that’s your choice too.
Videos to Watch:
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