Anxious Christian Part Two

I wanted to write this post because I want to reach out to others who are feeling like they are still not overcoming their anxiety. When I first wrote about my struggles with generalized anxiety disorder (almost 3 years ago!) I had the mentality that it was something I could fix, cure, pray away, and not feel anymore. I would be upset with the fact that I still had this condition, even after praying. Even with medication, I never ceased to worry. I felt more tired, and then concerned about how exhausted I was feeling. Whether through God, medication, or therapy, I was looking for a quick solution, a one-time fix. Such a mindset was bringing me more frustration than hope.

I felt this way because, in Christianity, I received this perception that if you believed, you would not worry. However, there is worry and then there is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and I felt like every devotional I read or preaching I heard was not targeted at the latter.

Then I started reading Job. I am not comparing having GAD to what Job suffered, however, his story provided me with more insight than anything else on navigating GAD as a Christian.

I recognize a lot of my plight in his story. I also fear God and struggle with not knowing what He may do, or what will come next. (Job 23:14-15)

But unlike Job, I am not sure I have always trusted in Him. I have accused Him of punishing me, of being merciless, of being a liar, of forsaking me.

I now know that is not true. That is not faith.

Trusting in God means yielding to Him and trusting him with the unknown. It means that even though my anxiety and past hurt may make me spiral, I do not curse God, I surrender to Him. I choose to believe that He has control, I rest in peace with that truth, knowing He is alive and at work for my good. (Job 19:25; Romans 8:28)

I am not going to sugarcoat things. This is so difficult for me. My anxiety makes it hard for me to not worry, not question, obsess over possibilities, lose sleep, and feel restless over minor things. So much so that I continue to question if deep down I truly do trust God, trust in His word, in His power.

I am learning that rather than focusing on eliminating my anxiety, I have to look at the ways God has empowered me to trust in Him despite my anxious nature. (Romans 8:37)

There is not a single or multiple practice that will cure my anxiety, I am not entirely sure I will wake up one day and not feel anxious anymore. I am not sure about a lot of things.

What I do know is that His word is true. I take comfort in His word and His love for me. I know that the fact that I continue to yearn for God means He has His hand on me. He wants me with Him and He loves me so. His comfort is the way I can learn to live happily with anxiety.