You know in the movie, when the woman isn’t initially into the guy who is really into her? Then she gives him a chance? Even tho he’s not up to her standards? And then in the end when they are together, he turns out to be the worst? Like it’s actually worse than she would have ever imagined? Yes, yes you have that scene in mind?
Scratch it, flip it, reverse it, whatever it is, just don’t make that same mistake.
Everyone deserves love. We all need to have love in our lives, whether from family, friends, partners, the coworker who you have your morning coffee with. Love is good. It’s a wonderful gift.
Nonetheless, when it comes to romantic love, ladies and gentlemen, not everyone deserves YOUR love.
We can talk about the several things that negatively impact dating (and there are so many). The focus here, however, will be “dating broke men.”
- Don’t do it.
- Don’t do it.
- Don’t do it.
And that’s all I have folks.
Just kidding.
Not really but I’ll explain myself.
- People need to stand on business. If you have certain boundaries and standards, uphold them. They are there for a reason. On the other hand, when pursuing someone and you see that their standards and boundaries are in conflict with who you are or what you have to offer, it’s okay to let it go. Neither parties should try so hard to make it work. You know you can’t afford how she likes to live, let it go. Stop forcing people to change or lower their standards. Stop dating women who want the rappers girlfriend lifestyle, if you don’t have rapper money. If he doesn’t have enough money for you, let it go sis. Don’t stick around for potential and if you do, don’t nag him about it. Additionally, ask yourself if it’s financially safe for you to date right now. Dating can be costly and time consuming. If your focus can’t afford other commitments, make that decision and stick to it. Don’t pursue a person and be too busy to text them or spend time with them.
2. Be realistic. There’s no reason you should be expecting your 20 year old boyfriend who works at the student affairs to fly you out. Relax, breathe, stop comparing yourselves to what you see on social media. Date according to your age bracket please. Pursuing love in your early 20s is not the same as your late 20s or 30s. Give people time to grow. But, do notice their character. A selfish man at 22 is not going to suddenly become generous at 32 if they work to change. A selfish man when he’s broke, is not suddenly going to become generous when he’s rich. It might actually be the opposite. If while dating a financially unstable man, you notice he’s not naturally a giving person, even after you’ve communicated your reasonable desires, please know that that’s who he is. No amount of money is going to change that. There’s so many small ways to gift your partner, it’s not that hard. He just won’t do it. Don’t fall for the one time he does after you’ve been upset. It’s not his consistent nature, save yourself.
3. It is okay to date within your tax bracket. If that’s a decision you have made, don’t let people guilt you into thinking it’s not right. Dating below your tax bracket is challenging for women. There are so many factors that impact those dynamics. Unless you find a man who is more progressive in his thinking, I don’t see any benefits, just headaches. Don’t fight me because I know how yall like to tussle but women didn’t make these rules. The patriarchy did. For the sake of peace of mind, women don’t date below your tax bracket. It’s different if during a long term relationship circumstances change, but even then it’s important to be with someone whose ego will not be bruised by your ability to support the family more than he can. I dislike this societal norm a lot because it places so much pressure on both men and women. It’s not serving anyone, really. Like who cares, as long the kids are fed and you’re both happy! But this is how the world is so yes, don’t date broke men.
Back to my opening paragraph, you will regret dating a man that is broke financially and in spirit. They either end up resenting you or as mentioned before never changing their character even as their finances grow. All men have audacity, but the audacity broke men have will irritate you much more. Like my good sis JT said “I rather cry in a Rolls Royce”, it does soften the punch.
I know it’s easier said than done when feelings are involved. But again, it shouldn’t this be hard. Yes, life can be challenging but your partner should not be the reason why life is hard. The source of your inherent unhappiness should not be your partner. Difficulties in life may happen to you both and that can be hard navigate, I’m not saying quit in those circumstances. Nonetheless, the difficult thing that’s happening should not be your partner’s character or behavior towards you.
Why are you suffering for a person you’ve known two months? And even if it’s been years and it’s not getting better? Leave.
You can’t change a person.
Podcast to Listen: How to Improve Your Love Life
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