Yesterday I woke up feeling the desire to disappear. I just wanted to hit pause for a bit, you know? I just wanted to stop and live, just me, with no outside influence .
I wake up and the first thing I check is Instagram and I got sick and tired of looking at other people’s lives. I didn’t need to know what others were doing to inevitably compare my life to theirs. But I felt like it was something I needed to and did (too much) everyday. I used Instagram for laughs too because God the internet is so funny, or to relate to others because it’s good to see that I’m not alone going through something’s, or to boost my confidence because it’s one of the only places I see girls who look like me shown and represented in a good way too, and to connect with friends because that’s a gift of social media.
Nonetheless I disconnected. At first I felt good you know. It was like a big relief, I don’t know,it felt right. But it was challenging: I noticed I would pick up my phone and not having nothing to check I would put it back down and go back to my book. A few minutes later, the same routine repeat the routine again.
The big surprise is not that I missed looking into what others were doing, or any of the things mentioned earlier but I noticed how many times I felt the need to make a post. Something would happened and I would reach for my phone because I have to post about it, then realize no. I was so surprised by how much it happened so much and questioned why do I feel the constant need to post certain things? Is it because it’s a way for me to show or share parts of my life with others? Is it a way to see who cares enough about me to see what I’m doing?
I liked being disconnected, but I hated feeling disconnected from others.
All in all I lasted a day (😂💀). It felt good to disconnect for a day, I will challenge myself and you too to take a break more often.