Unlovable?

I recently read “The Vanishing Half”, and there was a line by a white character to the dark-skinned black woman along the lines of how she (the dark-skinned woman) was so lucky to have found her boyfriend because usually, men do not go for women like her. 

The other day a white classmate in my group said to me (jokingly?) he imagines my boyfriend is a great guy if he puts up with me, the other white classmate laughed along. At that moment I was lost for words because 1. what does that even mean 2. Where did this topic even come from and why.

I think I have an idea of what it means. No matter how close, no matter how much they like you, no matter what, many people (particularly white men) can not imagine loving or how someone else can love a Black (dark-skinned) woman. 

It is the morning after this incident and as I sit here reflecting, I am also a bit annoyed by the fact that this bothers me still. I mean it is not a new concept. It is a misconception, not reflective of how many dark sinned women around me receive love every day. Yet I also do know that it is a very alive misconception. 

Misconceptions that have been carried along for so many years, they are seen (subconsciously or not) as the truth. 

Many often, taking media as a reference, Black love characters are often disposable. They are the obstacle the “real” (white) couple must overcome, the in-between, the rebound, the adventure, often rarely “the one”. 

In a previous post I wrote “Representation Matters”, I mentioned how distorted representation of love for/amongst Black people is.  It is never given the same grace, easy-to-watch rom-com storylines, or attention that are granted to our white peers. (Ie. Lane’s storyline vs Rory’s, even Kirk is given a love story easier than Lane’s). 

It is often something hard to accomplish, it does not naturally make sense, a struggle must happen, others have to “put up” with it. 

It really fucking sucks when these misconceptions are placed on you in real life. 


Video to Watch: The Disposable Black Love Interest – A Tokenistic Cliché

Book to Read: The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennet

P.S. I know Lane is not Black, I was watching Gilmore Girls as I wrote this. Nonetheless, we cannot deny this experience often extends to other POC.

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