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Book Review: A look through “The Women”

Veterans Day passed a bit ago, and like I do for most holidays, I paid it no mind. Being of my generation, growing hearing about the wars in the Middle East, current genocide in Gaza… I’ve never been pro military. Hearing about the struggles many veterans face, the way governments disregard many of their own, pushed me away from having a positive light on the military, any military.

This book shifted my perspective and I’m grateful for that. I am grateful for books, like this, that shift my outlook on various situations. Understanding the significance of days like Veterans Day is important, and even if I may not agree with the politics surrounding it, I must look beyond that to see the individuals who serve. It’s essential to recognize them as unique individuals rather than mere pawns or victims of the system.

Women like Frances, Ethel, and Barb were part of a broader movement that transformed societal roles and made significant sacrifices during a pivotal moment in history. Reading how the roles women are often forgotten about, gave me a new insight to the plight of veterans. 

This book is joining the list of books that radicalized me as a feminist. It reflected the layers of invalidation women experience in many aspects of life. The way Frances was treated mostly by her father and other veterans was disheartening. Her experiences being dismissed, resources being denied because of her gender indicated the discrimination she faced.

As a future physician, I felt inspired by Frances’ dedication, bravery and skills. If nothing, this books shows how indispensable nurses are. Medicine would be nowhere without nursing. They deserve recognition for their services in this field, in the military and in any others. 

Life can be difficult at times, and that was the case for Frances. I’m glad she realized she’s human. She learned to forgive herself for making mistakes, for not being who others envisioned her to be. I understand her guilt about her mistakes especially given the way she was raised to be before the war. I still struggle with not being perfect. 

Frances finding some peace and purpose was an ending I was grateful for. An ending I do not take for granted. Yes, many women end up with love and marriage. Others do not, and that’s a truth that needs to be accepted. A truth, a hopeless romantic like myself, is learning to accept, for real women and fictional ones. The ending was a generous one, given the realities of pain that many veterans suffer through. 

To Read: History of Women in US Military

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Set Boundaries: Why You Shouldn’t Date Broke Men

You know in the movie, when the woman isn’t initially into the guy who is really into her? Then she gives him a chance? Even tho he’s not up to her standards? And then in the end when they are together, he turns out to be the worst? Like it’s actually worse than she would have ever imagined? Yes, yes you have that scene in mind? 

Scratch it, flip it, reverse it, whatever it is, just don’t make that same mistake. 

Everyone deserves love. We all need to have love in our lives, whether from family, friends, partners, the coworker who you have your morning coffee with. Love is good. It’s a wonderful gift. 

Nonetheless, when it comes to romantic love, ladies and gentlemen, not everyone deserves YOUR love. 

We can talk about the several things that negatively impact dating (and there are so many). The focus here, however, will be “dating broke men.” 

  1. Don’t do it.
  2. Don’t do it.
  3. Don’t do it.

And that’s all I have folks. 

Just kidding.

Not really but I’ll explain myself.

  1. People need to stand on business. If you have certain boundaries and standards, uphold them. They are there for a reason. On the other hand, when pursuing someone and you see that their standards and boundaries are in conflict with who you are or what you have to offer, it’s okay to let it go. Neither parties should try so hard to make it work. You know you can’t afford how she likes to live, let it go. Stop forcing people to change or lower their standards. Stop dating women who want the rappers girlfriend lifestyle, if you don’t have rapper money. If he doesn’t have enough money for you, let it go sis. Don’t stick around for potential and if you do, don’t nag him about it. Additionally, ask yourself if it’s financially safe for you to date right now. Dating can be costly and time consuming. If your focus can’t afford other commitments, make that decision and stick to it. Don’t pursue a person and be too busy to text them or spend time with them.
As the wise African artist Davido once stated

2. Be realistic. There’s no reason you should be expecting your 20 year old boyfriend who works at the student affairs to fly you out. Relax, breathe, stop comparing yourselves to what you see on social media. Date according to your age bracket please. Pursuing love in your early 20s is not the same as your late 20s or 30s. Give people time to grow. But, do notice their character. A selfish man at 22 is not going to suddenly become generous at 32 if they work to change. A selfish man when he’s broke, is not suddenly going to become generous when he’s rich. It might actually be the opposite. If while dating a financially unstable man, you notice he’s not naturally a giving person, even after you’ve communicated your reasonable desires, please know that that’s who he is. No amount of money is going to change that. There’s so many small ways to gift your partner, it’s not that hard. He just won’t do it. Don’t fall for the one time he does after you’ve been upset. It’s not his consistent nature, save yourself.

3. It is okay to date within your tax bracket. If that’s a decision you have made, don’t let people guilt you into thinking it’s not right. Dating below your tax bracket is challenging for women. There are so many factors that impact those dynamics. Unless you find a man who is more progressive in his thinking, I don’t see any benefits, just headaches. Don’t fight me because I know how yall like to tussle but women didn’t make these rules. The patriarchy did. For the sake of peace of mind, women don’t date below your tax bracket. It’s different if during a long term relationship circumstances change, but even then it’s important to be with someone whose ego will not be bruised by your ability to support the family more than he can. I dislike this societal norm a lot because it places so much pressure on both men and women. It’s not serving anyone, really. Like who cares, as long the kids are fed and you’re both happy! But this is how the world is so yes, don’t date broke men.

Back to my opening paragraph, you will regret dating a man that is broke financially and in spirit. They either end up resenting you or as mentioned before never changing their character even as their finances grow. All men have audacity, but the audacity broke men have will irritate you much more. Like my good sis JT said “I rather cry in a Rolls Royce”, it does soften the punch.

    I know it’s easier said than done when feelings are involved. But again, it shouldn’t this be hard. Yes, life can be challenging but your partner should not be the reason why life is hard. The source of your inherent unhappiness should not be your partner. Difficulties in life may happen to you both and that can be hard navigate, I’m not saying quit in those circumstances. Nonetheless, the difficult thing that’s happening should not be your partner’s character or behavior towards you. 

    Why are you suffering for a person you’ve known two months? And even if it’s been years and it’s not getting better? Leave. 

    You can’t change a person.  

    Podcast to Listen: How to Improve Your Love Life

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    Anxious Christian Part Two

    I wanted to write this post because I want to reach out to others who are feeling like they are still not overcoming their anxiety. When I first wrote about my struggles with generalized anxiety disorder (almost 3 years ago!) I had the mentality that it was something I could fix, cure, pray away, and not feel anymore. I would be upset with the fact that I still had this condition, even after praying. Even with medication, I never ceased to worry. I felt more tired, and then concerned about how exhausted I was feeling. Whether through God, medication, or therapy, I was looking for a quick solution, a one-time fix. Such a mindset was bringing me more frustration than hope.

    I felt this way because, in Christianity, I received this perception that if you believed, you would not worry. However, there is worry and then there is generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and I felt like every devotional I read or preaching I heard was not targeted at the latter.

    Then I started reading Job. I am not comparing having GAD to what Job suffered, however, his story provided me with more insight than anything else on navigating GAD as a Christian.

    I recognize a lot of my plight in his story. I also fear God and struggle with not knowing what He may do, or what will come next. (Job 23:14-15)

    But unlike Job, I am not sure I have always trusted in Him. I have accused Him of punishing me, of being merciless, of being a liar, of forsaking me.

    I now know that is not true. That is not faith.

    Trusting in God means yielding to Him and trusting him with the unknown. It means that even though my anxiety and past hurt may make me spiral, I do not curse God, I surrender to Him. I choose to believe that He has control, I rest in peace with that truth, knowing He is alive and at work for my good. (Job 19:25; Romans 8:28)

    I am not going to sugarcoat things. This is so difficult for me. My anxiety makes it hard for me to not worry, not question, obsess over possibilities, lose sleep, and feel restless over minor things. So much so that I continue to question if deep down I truly do trust God, trust in His word, in His power.

    I am learning that rather than focusing on eliminating my anxiety, I have to look at the ways God has empowered me to trust in Him despite my anxious nature. (Romans 8:37)

    There is not a single or multiple practice that will cure my anxiety, I am not entirely sure I will wake up one day and not feel anxious anymore. I am not sure about a lot of things.

    What I do know is that His word is true. I take comfort in His word and His love for me. I know that the fact that I continue to yearn for God means He has His hand on me. He wants me with Him and He loves me so. His comfort is the way I can learn to live happily with anxiety.

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    Investing in Your Looks: Beauty as Currency and Opportunity

    Since I was young, the idea of being presentable (physically) has been emphasized to me. Physical appearance dictates first impressions and sometimes even the only impression people get of you. Especially if you are Black, or a minority. Even though my family wasn’t the most always financially stable, that never showed through our looks. That has translated well into my adulthood. I could be going through the wprst period of my life and it would never show when I step out the house.

    I wouldn’t call it keeping up appearances, but rather making sure others couldn’t use our physical appearance as a justification for mistreatment. In hindsight, in certain scenarios it wouldn’t matter. Without diving too deep into respectability politics (a long conversation for another time), my family understood how physical appearance dictated first impressions which opened up more doors of opportunity.

    Which brings me to a sentiment I have always understood:”beauty is money and money is beauty”. I know this saying is usually reserved for time. Nonetheless, I believe beauty is equally fitting, if not even more. Since I have been a young girl I have understood the concept of beauty as money.

    When I was young girl, in a period of rejecting girlhood, I rebelled against the idea of pretty privilege. Maybe as an insecurity of not always thinking of myself as pretty in my awkward phase or desiring to be “not like the other girls”, I didn’t buy into the idea of beauty as currency. I always looked presentable (I mean I am my mother’s daughter), I did spend time analyzing my looks and wardrobe, wishing for and trying to replicate outfits and hairstyles seen on TV, but I also really wanted to reject the reality of women being judged by their looks first.

    These complicated feelings did not allow me to properly enjoy investing in my looks until my 20s to be frank. Maybe because I was tired of fighting the patriarchy, or realized that allowing it to have such an effect on me was more detrimental than actually enjoying what I wanted to do…

    Nonetheless growing up in the era of 2000s rom-coms, movies and tv shows that featured thin beautiful girls or promoted makeovers for “regular girls”, the eras of breast augmentations, Brazilian butt lifts and liposuctions, it is hard for a girl to not see how important beauty is.

    We live in a world where the way you look and dress alone can help pay for bills. Where cosmetic plastic surgery is a booming business. Investing in your looks, or in more preferably terms, “self-care” can get quite expensive as well. Between skin care, makeup, clothes, hair, nails… being a bad bitch ain’t cheap!

    Is it worth it? Absolutely.

    First, personally, it is FUN. I love spending my last brain cells thinking about which outfit to wear. I enjoy styling clothes and when I feel restless I do my hair as a way to calm myself. A new hairstyle, a new clothing item always lifts my mood. I feel better and more confident when I look good. I feel physically better when I eat healthy and exercise. And even though I hate to say this and have internal struggles about this, I am easier on myself and feel better when I am at a certain weight. Is it also for the male gaze? I can’t honestly say it never is. But, what I for sure do know is that I feel great!

    What I know is that my fashion sense makes me more relatable, it is easier to initiate a conversation amongst strangers, it gets me noticed in the room, I seem more fun. And the same goes for the other girlies. I take notice of a cute dress, a well done makeup, flawless hairstyle. Girls seem happier when they look good, life is easier, lighter, a bit more colorful.

    Secondly, we still live in a world of pretty privilege. Bringing back the male gaze, unfortunately we still live in a patriarchy which impacts the way women behave. Yes beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but it is still beauty, not kindness, intelligence, BEAUTY. That is the first thing people see.

    Therefore, is it wrong for women (or even men) to invest in their looks? Can we shame women for paying thousands to get body they desire? Can we judge the girlies who invest in their looks as shallow?

    Recently finished watching Ugly Betty which I thoroughly enjoyed. The premise of the show is how Betty was considered “ugly” because she didn’t meet the beauty standards of the fashion world. Throughout the show, Betty’s character shined through, her kind personality influenced other people, bringing out the best of themselves, she is able to climb the ranks at the fashion magazine “despite” her looks. So yes, other characteristics of a person do matter. Nonetheless we see that  Betty took time to explore her own fashion sense and in the last season particularly we see how simultaneously her confidence and fashion sense grow. As she moves up in rank, gets a bigger paycheck, she starts to look more fashionable, able to afford her own unique sense of style without compromising her character. Also, I believe that she begins to get better opportunities because she begins to invest in her looks. She feels more like she belongs. It is all connected.

    Investing in your looks, is investing in yourself. I like to see it as how reading enriches your vocabulary, knowledge of the world.

    Investing in your looks, is investing in yourself. There is a perception of yourself that is placed out there, a perception of great first impressions, a perception that you know how to take care of things that matter to you.

    If you invest in yourself, others are more willing to invest in you.

    I understand that this post may seem like encouraging people to conform to beauty standards. This is not completely untrue. However, the main point is that we should not look down on others who choose to, especially when it allows them to access easier and richer experiences.

    It’s easy to preach body positivity and self love when you’ve never struggled with how optics affect you. But when you are part of a marginalized community, the way you present yourself physically affects the way people perceive and treat you. A skinny girl in sweats is fashionable. A heavier set girl is sweats is sloppy and lazy.

    Love your nose, love your hair, love your body. However if you are concerned about something and have the means to safely change it (during your adulthood- please let puberty do its thing) or to invest up-keeping your looks and personal style, that’s your choice too.

    Videos to Watch:

    Adjoa Cofie1 Comment

    Change in Medicine

    I have been involved in several circles dedicated to making systemic changes in medicine. A goal that started with optimism and hope has slowly been tainted by misaligned intentions and frustration.

    Everyone has good intentions when establishing goals/priorities and starting initiatives, however, execution and implementation are very lacking. Many people have great desires and ideas, but few are willing to do the work to make the actual changes.

    Many want to feel like they are doing something to relieve personal guilt, feel like they are part of something bigger, add a trendy goal to their resume…etc. However, as I witness many desires, I’m left wondering why the results aren’t matching such enthusiasm.

    Why is change in medicine so difficult? Why is it that since medical school (or even since undergrad) students are not taught to put effort into the sociopolitical aspects of medicine? We are drilled to value certain accomplishments over others.

    Even though the conversation is changing to say: “Yes we care about fighting equity in medicine, racism in medicine, the mental health crisis in medicine, lack of residencies for graduating physicians”; in reality, the efforts to change these things in medicine aren’t as valued as drilling out 5-10 papers about the “insert a very scientific title about a niche in medicine so you seem very smart”. We see tons of investment and recognition applied to efforts mainly dedicated to improving scientific research but not public health.

    Recently, Congressman Murphy introduced a bill, the EDUCATE Act, in Congress to ban Diversity, Equity & Inclusion (DEI) in medicine. The EDUCATE Act reads as an effort to support “colorblindness” in medicine and states that DEI efforts are introducing harmful and exclusionary behavior in medicine. The Association of American Medical Colleges reports that 56% of active physicians are White (of which 65% are male), 16% Asian, 5% Hispanic, and 5% Black. So are we excluding by upholding these DEI efforts? When I look around my class, most people I see are white, and most physicians are white. When I attend programming dedicated to public health or advocacy, most attendees are women and mostly women of color. Some allies are white men (and whom we appreciate), however, there aren’t enough.

    The anti-woke propaganda is spreading a false narrative that DEI efforts are meant to harm Caucasians, rather than to promote the inclusion of people of color in medicine. However, the actual truth is…POC are the ones who are mostly involved in efforts to improve the sociopolitical aspects of medicine. There is still a struggle to have allies who identify with the majority of people in medicine to be involved. Again going back to why efforts to change the “isms” in medicine are not regarded with the same value.

    Are we improving medicine for a selected privileged few? Or do we want the great improvements in medicine to be accessible to the public? To be in a system that allows equitable access. In a system that appreciates well-rounded physicians and supports their physical and mental well-being.

    Don’t get me wrong, I value science. The science is what started my interest in medicine. However, as I grew to understand that medicine intends to help patients, I started to expand my values to other sectors that impact patient care.

    Science is imperative for medicine to move forward. For a time, it made sense for efforts to be hugely dedicated to such aspects of medicine. However, in these modern times, we are seeing how such dedication is affecting other aspects of medicine. We can see how it plays into physician burnout, physician suicide rates, low representation, and the value of people of color in medicine.

    We can’t make the changes we apparently care about so much, without doing the systemic work of improving public health-related initiatives in medicine.

    In my “Upstream Medicine” course at my medical school, we were given this analogy that stuck with me. Paraphrasing: there is a community whose main water source comes from a river; a huge rock blocks the stream up the hill so not much water reaches the community. Do we find a way to remove the rock or tell individual families in the community to figure out a way to bring in water?

    I think right now in medicine we acknowledge we have a problem but rather than fixing the issue upstream, we are putting it onto certain individuals to make the change.

    So how does addressing the issue upstream start? With changes from medical schools, residency programs, and hospital boards. With curriculums, requirements for residency, and definition of what an excellent clinician entails.

    For example, instead of scheduling a wellness class for 3rd years on a Friday at 3pm, maybe we establish policies and behaviors to decrease the workload for students, residents, and physicians. Maybe we lobby and advocate for more physician hires and better pay across specialties so that doctors are not overworked and undervalued to the point of suicide.

    There is this culture of: on the surface, you are to state the desire to make systemic improvements in medicine, while you are expected to not shake the table too much, and wait until you get into the room before demanding change. However also know that by the time you get to the room, you will have been broken down so much by the system that either you will be too burnt out to care or won’t have the same desire anymore because the system now finally benefits you individually.

    Some individuals have a sincere desire to make changes in medicine; but, like me, when thinking about how things are and how slow change in medicine is, you are beginning to feel a bit frustrated and cynical.

    Nonetheless, I’m holding on, very tightly, to some optimism and magical thinking I have regarding changing medicine. I am encouraged by mentors and peers who are in the safe spaces dedicated to making this change.

    I want to encourage medical schools and hospitals to think about their mission and vision statements and reevaluate how they are upholding them, especially now as dangerous bills such as the EDUCATE Act are being introduced to our government.

    I want to encourage medical students (especially our white male peers) to think back to those one or two essays submitted during the application process about vision and goals, diversity, health disparities, commitment to service, or cultural competency. Ask themselves what they have done/ could do to support those values they wrote about. 

    Articles to read: Murphy Introduces Bill to Ban DEI in Medicine

    Tools to make change:

    1. Visit the American Medical Student Association Activism Toolbox to see how to write a letter to your congressman
    2. Find your congressperson and reach out to their office (it is within your right)
    3. Make a goal for yourself to select a cause, learn as much as you can about it, and support an event or organization dedicated to such a cause. One small action is better than nothing at all.

    Adjoa Cofie1 Comment

    Blood Child

    An afterword in this book (a collection of short stories and essays by Octavia Butler) stated how the author felt like the most interesting part of her is her fiction. 

    I paused at that because her autobiographical essay (which she states she hated writing) was the part I liked and cherished the most. Her short stories were nothing but amazing, but in her autobiography, I felt seen. I resonated with her words and found myself pausing to catch a breath because my heart felt heavy and light. Heavy because I felt the emotions, light because I felt reassurance. Reassurance that the questions and the doubts that keep me up at night about my profession were not just a fruit of my imagination. Heavy because the worrying thoughts that kept her up at night were the same that consumed me.

    The constant ambition and work to achieve your dreams. The doubting of how a Black woman like myself coming from nothing can have significance in a white-dominated profession. 

    Invasive thoughts that stem from a desire to want better. Invasive thoughts that consume you. A positive obsession. 

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    Soul Sisters

    For the first time ever, I tried an e-book. I love physical books, the smell, the way the cover gets teared up as I get more invested, and the act of folding pages to bookmark my favorite paragraphs…it seems to me like a fuller experience. However, on a trip to Arizona last month, my flights were delayed so with nothing else to do I finished the book I was supposed to read over the book in a matter of hours. What was I meant to do! I could not NOT read for the entire week. Additionally, having recently spurlged on thriftbooks.com for a set of books recently, I didn’t want to walk into those stores at the airport and end up buying many more books than I could afford. Therefore, I decided to try Kindle on Amazon Prime. I purchased just a singular book by one of my favorite authors Lesley Lokko and delved right into it. Placing the brightness of my iPad down, and putting on my reading glasses, I cozied up on the plane, in my bed at the hotel, or during my solo date lunch breaks I started the book Soul Sisters by Lesley Lokko.

    Set in England and South Africa, focused on particular families over multiple generations, the novel presented the intricacies and difficulties in personal and professional relationships that existed mostly in a post-apartheid environment. And as always mixed with gut-wrenching betrayal.

    You could tell the novel was written over a long period of time. It was a bit choppy and didn’t quite flow well together. Skipping years isn’t a stranger to Ms. Lokkos’s writing however the timing and story felt incomplete. There wasn’t as much character depth, the novel felt rushed, and important moments felt skipped over. For example how Jen and Kemi got their relationship back together. For how much importance was stressed about their relationship, I wished there was more offered than “time heals all wounds” for when they reconciled.

    The beginning was alright, even though you could sense the quickness in wanting to move on. The ending showed this the most. It was suddenly the end of the book and not in a good way. The novel felt like scene after scene, any proper pause for character reflection and development.

    Solam’s storyline felt a bit useless in hindsight. He was introduced as a complex character but then slowly yet suddenly turned into an ambitious hungry prick with no proper explanation or depth into what it meant for him. Additionally, so much time was spent building up this goal he was awaiting to get to (which is a bit too intuitive to the reader) but then when we got to it, it is not given the appropriate importance. Maybe it is set up that way as a metaphor for how, apart from ambition, there’s nothing else to Solam. Which I agree with. He was given too much relevance at the beginning and throughout the book. I understand that he was needed a bit to juxtapose Kemi’s disinterest in politics, given both their parents’ political activism; nonetheless, both he and Kemi were not given proper and reflective reasoning as to why they made the decisions they made.

    This novel would have done better and lived up more to its title if it had focused more on the sisters and taken the time to develop their storylines. Even Kemi, she was given much more thought and character description and development at the beginning, but then suddenly in the span of a few pages her husband dies, she has a foundation in South Africa and that’s it. There’s no reconciliation of her feelings about returning to South Africa and having an organization there and contributing to the development of her country and, in her own unique way, carrying on the legacy of her family. 

    I have been reading Lesly Lokko’s books for well over a decade so I do recognize that knowing her other works, I hold the author at slightly a higher standard and expectation. It is a very engaging novel, but compared to her other works, Soul Sisters was incredibly underwhelming. 

    In regards to reading on a technological device (Kindle tablet or iPad), it will definitely not substitute physical books in my household but I do recognize their efficacy and plan on utilizing them in case of emergencies.

    Adjoa CofieLeave a comment

    Favorite Looks From Sex and the City

    One of the shows I watch yearly includes Sex and the City. During the fall I rewatch Gilmore Girls, in the winter Gossip Girl, I rewatch Friends all year round, and during the spring/summer, I rewatch Sex and the City. With season two of the sequel series “Just Like That” premiering this week, this seemed like the perfect time to revisit a show that has influenced my 20s and sense of fashion in a significant way.

    So let’s talk about the fashion in Sex and the City (SATC) starting with Miranda. Miranda? Yes, I know Miranda. Even though a fan favorite when it comes to her personality, I do not see her portrayed as a fashion icon in the show like Carrie, Samantha, or even Charlotte. At least not in the later seasons. However, “Season 1 Miranda”? Oh, she is an icon. I believe the show really focused on using style to showcase the characters’ personalities more in the first season, which makes sense as they were still trying to establish their personas and give the audience a quick understanding of who they were. Miranda was the ambitious lawyer and with that came the suits.

    The first season brilliantly captured that corporate look for Miranda. Personally, as I grow into more professional spaces, this look is something I am trying to build more into my wardrobe. What I find difficult about this aesthetic, is how to incorporate my own personality into it. At times, I do find it bland, however with appropriate styling, like hairstyles, choice of jewelry, clothing color, SHOES, I am finding this look much more fun to pursue.

    Later seasons, still do continue to highlight the corporate look for Miranda. I also do enjoy the variability they give her as well. I believe she dives really well into that ambiguous, sometimes even street style (I mean the overalls look with the cap is timeless) aesthetic the best out of all the women on the show.

    Samantha and Charlotte also have been the protagonists of some of my favorite looks throughout the show. I like them for different reasons. I love Samantha for not shying away from still looking fashionable as she gets older. A few months ago there was this trend of younger girls showing their mothers in their clothing and they looked so vibrant, it just reminded me of Samantha. I think there is a societal pressure for women to dress (which is even seen in the series, unfortunately) in a certain way as they age but lately, I am seeing the change in women maintaining and maturing their style in a way that is true to them. Samantha represents that for me. She refuses to let others dictate her style and she looks great while at it. I like to think of Samantha as the definition of sex appeal, which has more to do with her personality but translates so well in all of her clothing. Next to Carrie, I think she is the most fashion vanguard. No matter what she wears, she looks sexy. And I love it. Here are some of my favorite looks from her, and I have to say red is her color.

    This look is exceptionally memorable, and business but fun. Exactly the type of corporate look I want to emulate.

    Charlotte emulates (forgive me for sounding too trendy) old money, which is not exactly my cup of tea but very fitting for an upper east side WASP (as she describes herself). The actress, Kristin Davis, I find exceptionally beautiful. I think she was perfectly cast for this role and helped bring some of Charlotte’s styling to life. I did occasionally enjoy several of her looks. Here are my favorites:

    Last but not in the bit least is Carrie. Oh, Carrie! Even though not my favorite character, but a fantastically flawed character I do enjoy watching (Watch this brief analysis: Why does everyone hate Carrie) especially because of her sense of style. Gosh, I could talk about her outfits forever! Sometimes when I am getting ready for a special event, I put on an episode just so I can channel my best fashion sense and excitement for clothes. In the first season, we didn’t see as much of the fashion lover she was, which was quite the opposite as we saw with Miranda, but I believe it was more of a budget issue. This is even more supported in the first season when we see her repeat most of her outfits (THE ICONIC FUR COAT, LADIES IT IS OKAY TO REWEAR YOUR CLOTHES, PLEASE DO!)

    Something I did enjoy watching throughout the 6 seasons (and the movies) is the evolution of Carries’ clothing. She possesses the most range out of all the women and showcases many timeless looks. Something Carries does very well is manage to look stylish even with her most casual looks.

    Additionally, I particularly love her dresses. They are, in my opinion, her best most iconic looks.

    More looks that I love from Carrie.

    Carrie’s style is colorful and unique. She really influences many trends that continue to exist today. For example, a recent styling that has resurfaced is the addition of flowers to clothing that characterized “Season 3 Carrie”.

    This look has returned to predominate recent runaways in a major way and based on the more recent season of “Just Like That”, it is back for Carrie as well. I even just recently bought a flower necklace accessory to style with because it is such a feminine, fun, and easy way to elevate a look.

    One of my favorite fashion creatives sporting the necklace flower look.

    I started watching SATC a long time ago, maybe even too young, but even at such a young age I admired Carrie’s fashion. It instilled in me excitement, vibrancy, beauty, and a love for clothing; an intriguing aspect of life to look forward to and develop from then til the end of my days. At whatever age, I have learned that fashion can be used to express myself. It is okay to love looking good, to get excited about a new pair of shoes, to wear your best outfit to meet your girlfriends for a walk in the park, to go to the grocery store, or even to sit for hours studying at a coffeeshop.

    Videos to watch: What do the Women in Sex and the City Represent? Style Analysis

    Check out Highlowluxxe youtube channel for more styling tips

    Adjoa CofieLeave a comment

    Depression and Anxiety: An unexplainable story

    Depression and anxiety are two best friends. You see one, you know the other is right behind.

    They feel familiar but yet foreign. A part of you that you recognize, part of your normalcy…yet makes you unrecognizable to yourself and others. 

    My opponents in a lifelong battle. A battle I’m not sure I will ever win but I know sincerely (even though other days try to convince me otherwise) that I’m not ready to call it quits. I’m not prepared to raise a white flag, but gosh do I want to some days. I want the overthinking to stop, the anguish to stop, the fast heart rate, the feeling of a pit in my stomach, and the constant doubt to stop. I don’t recognize those parts as me. I know that’s not who I am, want to be, or am meant to be. Yet I don’t know life without them. 

    But I guess as Meg said bad bitches get anxiety too. (With a feature of depression at times) 

    Adjoa Cofie2 Comments

    Second Puberty

    Second puberty or “my grown woman weight” is what I have decided to call this recent weight gain I am experiencing. You know, I thought I had escaped the “Freshmen 15” curse in college just to encounter it in medical school. Might be because of a change in hormones, might be because I am not running around working three jobs and life has been pretty sedentary due to medical school. Nonetheless, I have gained weight. 

    A particular store was not shy of telling me so. A couple of months ago, I made an impromptu decision of walking in into the store after dinner with a few classmates and decided to get a cute skirt. I knew I was not a medium anymore, so I grabbed large thinking it would give me exactly enough room for my curves to breathe. Oh my was I wrong! I am not delusional to believe that I have not become fuller in the past couple of years but not to the point of needing an extra-large. (And that’s not because I am ashamed of it but because I didn’t think I was). I shrugged it off as a store issue, maybe it’s just this company. A couple of weeks later I ordered some business casual pants from one of my favorite companies, and remembering the previous fiasco I decided to size up. I will get a 1X and take it to my seamstress to take it in, if anything, rather be safe than sorry. Oh my, was I very sorry! The pants could not go past my thighs, and at that point, the tears were rolling. 

    I was confused and frustrated. I’m trying to not let these occurrences affect my body image because I recognize that the feelings were those of frustration. Frustration at the fact that the places that match my style, will not make clothes for me if I get to a certain size. Frustration at the pressure I feel from the fashion industry to diet. 

    I have been working very hard my whole life to not place myself on any type of diet. I just want to embrace health as a lifestyle, not a craze to lose weight to get a particular figure. I eat a well-rounded diet, redefining my relationship with food. I try my best to remain grateful for my healthy body which has never failed me in a day and lessen the amount of time I compare myself to the skinny runway model or hourglass figure IG models. I genuinely love being active and have still found ways to remain physically active during medical school.

    All to say, I do not do diets, I don’t really believe in those restrictive aspects that encompass many diets, and always been adamant about how the approach to obesity and diet, in this country, in particular, does more harm than good. Fatphobia is a real and very dangerous phenomenon to continue engaging in, and I remain conscious of the implicit and explicit ways I may promote that in my daily interactions not just as someone in the medical field but also just as a person. However, in being transparent, I have internalized a lot of it. I often question whether my love for exercise and healthy eating is related to a desire to never be “fat” (or even considered “fatter” by someone else’s standards).

    Weight does not equate health. That’s is just a fact. 

    Weight is desirable. Another fact.

    Socially however this is not always the case. We can see that also with clothing companies whose sizes do not match natural bodies. In all due respect, if I am a plus size, and sizes in the majority of stores don’t go past 1-2X…who are they making clothes for? The majority of the country is considered “overweight”! 

    Most stores produce smaller sizes in greater amounts. Plus size clothing is not many, when you go online or in-store they are few and are the first to run out, while smaller sizes remain…wasted. The math is not mathing! 

    Even though I am currently struggling with some upper body issues, I really do love my body in all honesty, without the social media, or the number on the scale, I would never think of changing my weight. When clothes don’t fit, I give them away (I don’t hold onto things with the hope of fitting them again, it’s not healthy), I buy bigger sizes and just get them altered, and I don’t engage in any craze diets. 

    Nonetheless, I feel the pressure, and I know I am not the only one. I still have not found a way to come to terms with these feelings… there is no consolation to be offered here, unfortunately. 

    All I know is the conversations around weight and diets have to change, from the medical to fashion standpoint. 

    Video to watch: why don’t clothes fit???? by Mina Le (Please do take time to watch Mina Lee’s video explaining more about the history and implications behind sizing.)

    Podcast to listen: Fad Diets by Maintenance Phase