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SAFEGUARDING GIRLS

Girls like us by rachel lloyd

This book was moving, heartbreaking, empowering, enraging, truthful…a great book. The narration of how young girls are exploited at a young age and the harsh treatment received by society brought to light an undeniable truth. The realities that these real young girls are forced to live through showed me a cruel side of this world.

Reading this book, I also became aware of my own implicit bias about sexually exploited and domestically abused girls and women. I have been an advocate against gender-based violence since a young age reading accounts of real women in books such as “Burned Alive” (by Souad), learning more about the topic by being on the Commission on the Status of Women in Model UN and classes taken in undergrad. Nonetheless, even educated people can carry implicit bias and this book served to challenge me to bring forth and dismantle some subconscious bias.

Reading this book reignited my commitment to pursue advocating for women safety and rights. I am still not sure how that is going to happen but I do have a desire to include in my career the pursuit of providing safety and health to marginalized girls in my neighborhood and around the world.

The accounts in this book (and other stories) of how people, the justice system, cops can be so cruel and disregarding to victims is something that we ought to change. It is imperative that we work to not persecute but to protect all victims, especially women, especially women of color.

If you would like to learn more about the author’s story and donate to help her organization Girls Educational & Mentoring Services (GEMS) more information can be found at https://www.gems-girls.org/

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daily reads with trevor

Born a crime by trevor noah

I have always loved reading about (and I particularly cherish) stories by African authors. Not only am I inspired by them, I see myself and my family in them. I devoured this book in a matter of hours. I just laid in bed on a rainy Saturday and read it. This did not come to me as a surprise because: 1. I wanted to escape the world and my problems for a bit and a good book is perfect for that, 2. I love watching Trevor Noah and I knew I would love reading his story equally, if not a bit more. Now that I think about it is not often that I read a book where the protagonist is male, and a black male at that (this year two so far, and that is because I am making a conscious effort to read more black stories); so I was particularly curious to read about someone I have been watching for a long time.

Now unto the story…fyi I hate spoilers so I won’t include too give many details in that regard!

Due to my cultural background I found parts of it very relatable (the dynamics of hours spent at church and daily life in school, the mix of faith and cultural superstitions, family dynamics). Nonetheless, I was also submerged in new environments that made me think about how I would react and evaluate the different perspectives presented by the characters in the book. 

In addition, I loved the insight to history and culture I got from the book. It’s like you don’t know much about an historical event you personally did not live through, but you hear about it, you learn about its impact from textbooks, you see social changes it created…however you rarely get to hear a personal story of how a person’s life was affected by it. In a way this book gave me something like that with describing how the Apartheid affected Trevor’s life. With the little chapter introductions (I just refer to them as that) the author gives little historical context about racism, colonialism that relate to actual events in his life. The book discusses heavy topics mixed with life events in a way that forces you think even though sometimes you can’t help but laugh. Just as in his talk show his words can make you laugh but you can also comprehend the significance and impact of what he talking about. And also, wow, to hear the story of Trevor’s mom, her resilience, strength, faith is truly inspiring. 

Lastly, I was totally hearing his voice in my head the entire time. Which makes me think when you read whose voice do you hear? 

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Homage To The Women

I recently just watched Beyonce’s Homecoming documentary, (I know I’m late) and during it had a flashbulb memory of the first time I ever saw Beyonce (on tv, I wish in person!). I couldn’t have been older than 12, and I was at a family friends house and “single ladies” came on and I was like wow! I practiced that dance so many times alone, she was so fierce to me. So damn fine! Beyonce was the first person to make me think “yes I’m a diva”. Throughout the years she made me realize it was okay to be confident…to be a feminist…and, she introduced me to another great black woman, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. 

As an aspiring writer (yes, I am officially sharing this dream of mine) and avid reader being introduced to a world of black female authors made me feel visible. In fact, reading novels written by black women with black characters made me understand that people of color do exist in spaces of literature.Reading novels by women of color, from Mindy Khaling to Lesley Lokko made me understand that no matter what kind, non-fictional or fictional, we exist, we can create, we can share our experiences and people out there can relate to them. 

It is okay for us women, especially black women, to take up space, going beyond what society tries to limit us to, it’s okay to be more. (Even though I’m still waiting for that album), Rihanna’s journey to becoming a “fashion and makeup and much more” business woman that she is now is so important. I was never into makeup growing up, like I literally couldn’t care less about it and it was because I never felt like it was for me. I didn’t like any brands and to be completely honest I always felt like they weren’t for me, for people like me.

I got a Mac foundation gift once and gave it away to another person because I just felt that my beauty was being altered rather than enhanced…but when Fenty came out and I found something that matched my complexion! Let’s just say I’m not opposed to binge watching makeup videos on YouTube. (Thank you to numerous black women YouTubers who taught me how to do my own natural hair and makeup).

Seeing women with different body shapes included in Rihanna’s lingerie line made me feel more comfortable and confident about my body. Representation really matters. 

A black woman like Riri take up space is so important. They are boldly branching out, following their passions and goals, while encouraging the next generations to do the same. Women in my life have continuously showed me exactly that. 

The first teacher to make me feel welcomed in an environment where I was the only one that looked like me as a kid was a woman, the first teacher to make me see that I’m smart was a woman, to make see that I can do anything I put my mind to was a woman, the first person to teach me resilience, strength, the importance of putting yourself first was a woman, the first to make me see to make see that no matter what the situation is I can turn into a success was a woman, to make me fall in love with science and medicine were women. Women continuously have been teaching me how to be a boss, how to manage, to inspire, to be inspired, to be strong, to make things work, to be successful, to live life to the fullest. 

To my fellow women, on this international women’s day and any other day keep being bold, confident and strong, you never know who you are motivating, giving confidence to, or showing them that they matter. 

Book of the month: “Still Me” by Jojo Moyes 

Song to listen: “I am woman” by Helen Reddy 

P.S. I do not own any copyright to the images included. Happy International Women’s day

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32 Things I Love About Myself

  1. I love my smile, it brightens my entire face 
  2. I love how much I care about my family and friends, they are my whole heart 
  3. I love that I get lost in my books, my way of traveling to different worlds 
  4. I love my imagination, how vivid and real it can seem
  5. I love my overthinking mind, gives me great attention to detail
  6. I love that I don’t quit, because none of my favorite anime characters did, why should I quit on my goals
  7. I love my lips, “labbra da bacio” lips made to kiss
  8. I love that I’m there for others when need be, using my blessings to help others
  9. I love how organized I am, keeps me sane 
  10. I love that I always say thank you to the bus driver, because getting to your destination safely is an underrated blessing
  11. I love that I love God, my faith in him keeps me strong 
  12. I love that I can empathize with others, learning to put myself in other people’s shoes
  13. I love that I am interested in different cultures, a global citizen is what I am
  14. I love that I have a variety of hobbies, never bored
  15. I love that I’m always thinking about how I can be better, growth mindset is the way to go 
  16. I love my eyes, made to see the best in people 
  17. I love my resilience, because no matter how many times I fall I will stand back up
  18. I love that I giggle when I’m excited, expressing my joy 
  19. I love that I’m multilingual, allows me to say I love you in many ways 
  20. I love that I stand for what I believe in, no matter how what others think
  21. I love that I was the weird kid growing up, being different is not so bad 
  22. I love that I am consciously making an effort to love myself and others more, for God loves me why shouldn’t I spread that love
  23. I love that I’m a reader, reading is fundamental
  24. I love that I rather observe & listen than talk, it makes it more meaningful when I talk
  25. I love that I don’t hold grudges, don’t have space in my heart or mind for it
  26. I love that I’m nostalgic, missing those the good ol’ times makes you realize how blessed you’ve been
  27. I love that I cherish memories, no matter how long ago it was I always cherish the people I share them with
  28. I love that I’m not superficial, I think deep and see past the surface
  29. I love my hands, hands made to save lives in the future
  30. I love I have learned to love my body, body that gives me life 
  31. I love that I have dance parties alone, shaking off all negative energy 
  32. I love my legs, that like to walk everywhere 

Book of the month: Still reading “The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind” (by William Kamkwamba & Bryan Mealer) but planning on reading “Still Me” by Jojo Moyes next

Article to read: “The 3 core skills that every person needs for healthy romantic relationships” by Joanne Davila

Quote: 1 Corinthians 13:13 “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” 

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Redefining My Love for God

I love to read, it’s something I’ve loved since I was a child. I would spend hours at the library, so much that librarians knew me by first name. I love books so much I will buy a book before I buy food. I’ve always been the type to have a book with me, to eagerly wait for releases of new books, be super glued to a good book, the type that literally can’t think of anything else until I finish a particular book. My brother even said to me once that he knows not to speak to me when I get that way. All because I like to learn, I’m learner, I like learning about new things, being knowledgeable.

However, it somehow baffles me that, even though I love books and see myself as a Christian, I have never fully devoted myself to reading the Bible. Yes, I will read passages here and there, read the books of Genesis and Mathew… but I am never eager, glued to it as I am with books of this world. Does that truly show that I love God as much as I say I do? I mean I love to read, I love books, I love God…but how come in my 22 years of living, and most lived consciously identifying myself as a Christian, I have not truly devoted myself to reading the book of God, learning knowledge of his ways and people?

I am learning that even though many of us claim to love God, our actions show otherwise. We are what we do. We spend our time with those we love, doing things we love, and doing things that we know will bring joy to those we love. Therefore if we love God, we have to spend time with Him, praying and reading his word. If I claim to love him (which I do) I can not place more value and love into other books, while ignoring His.

I have started to devote myself to actively read more of his word and be eager to learn about him. In all honestly, I must say that with the little that I have been doing for the past few months, I can surely feel a difference in the joy and peace I gain from his word. No other book tops that.

As the new year comes along, I know that a lot of us have a goal to get closer to God, and I know that we can’t closer to him if we don’t devote time to reading his word and about him. In June 2019 I set a goal (and challenge for you all) to read a book a month for the year 2019/2020, I am now adding daily commitment of reading chapter from the Bible per day to this journey. No means to rush, please take time to understand the word of God in your own timeline, but let us make the commitment to read more of his words too.

It’s not an easy task, but we all know that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (Philippians 4:13)

Book of the month: “The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind” by William Kamkwamba & Bryan Mealer

Podcast to listen: “Ten Minute Bible Talks” by Keith Simon & Patrick Miller (available on Spotify & podcasts)

Quote: “People who are forgiven learn to love more” Anonymous

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Believe It!

This year I graduated. I passed all my science courses. Some I am satisfied with, some I wish I did better, all I survived when I thought I couldn’t. Looking at where I am now, I think back to first semester freshmen year Adjoa, so scared of everything especially science.

I had known that becoming a doctor required me to take science classes, but I thought mostly anatomy and biology. At that point I was very ignorant about what was required for my path to medicine. I did not know much but I did know I was scared to take all that chemistry, biochemistry, physics etc. I never had to take science courses like those in high school. Hardest thing I did until then was AP Calculus. I was so terrified of taking on college science courses that I pushed them back to my second semester for bio and didn’t even try on chem til sophomore year.

I remember how lab terrified me. I wondered how something I could enjoy that much still gave me so much fear, anxiety and stress. I remember the late nights with my chem buddies (thank God for those classmates with whom I went through endless nights of lab reports and studying together!) trying to figure out how to solve a problem. I remember my first panic attack after my inorganic chemistry II final, in my room alone not completely understanding what was happening to me. I remember the trips to the bathroom in the middle of class to cry a little because I felt so stupid in class and then to come right back to my seat and feel more stupid.

As I remember these things, I become grateful that God strengthened me to never give up. That even when I thought I was stupid, he gave me people and opportunities that reminded me that I wasn’t. He gave me confidence to reach out for help when I needed it, to take risks even when I wasn’t completely sure. He helped me meet mentors and professors that helped me understand that I was made for this.

Now I’m here, full time in the place and doing the things that used to terrify me the most everyday. Yes it was scary, but it was so worth it. And even though I know more challenges are to come, I am choosing to take courage, to not be afraid and to just believe in God and in myself.

I want you to also do that. As finals (or anything you may face) come around, do not allow those little challenges in your path stop you from your goals. You’re not alone in feeling hopeless and scared sometimes. You’re allowed to be intimidated by hard classes (or new challenges), but don’t doubt yourself or give up. Our God is greater than any test or obstacle you may face. Take that hard class that terrifies you, take that opportunity that is pushing you out your comfort zone. Do it, and don’t let your fears stop you.

If freshmen Adjoa didn’t, you shouldn’t either, dattebayo!

Book of the month: The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind  by William Kamkwamba (& Bryan Mealer)

Article to read: “Storytelling is a powerful communication tool, here’s how to use it” by Chris Anderson (TED Ideas)

Quote to read: Mark 5:36 Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” The Bible

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Changing Locations

Moving to a new place on my own has opened my eyes to a different perspective. I’m not new to changing environments but this time has presented some responsibilities related to what we call “adulting”. There have been some challenges and many many learning experiences, all eye opening and can solely be learned by being completely on your own without friends and family.

What made me reflect a lot is how blessed I am to have moved to somewhere where, well first, I made a conscious decision to move, I can afford to be well financially, I speak the language and where I’m doing something I actually love. It made me think of all other people who change environments under more drastic circumstances or without supportive systems in place.

We all approve of it when people we know accept new opportunities in other environments, I mean why not, it makes sense. Yet, some individuals find it so hard to extend that same “approval” when people (not like them or that they don’t know) do it for the somewhat same reasons or sometimes even more serious, life-or-death like reasons. It’s perplexing to me that this double standard exists.

I have reached a different level of admiration for families who immigrate to a different country, despite language, social and political barriers, in search of greater opportunities for their families. I admire (and grateful for) my parents for doing so and dragging me along their immigration journey, bouncing from continent to continent, so that I can now be staying in a place where I am currently living my dreams and have ample chance to achieve more. I know and keep thinking about how hard it must be for families like my own who continuously do this. Families in which parents give up their own degrees & professions (because sometimes it’s really challenging to get that same certification in a different country) for something that they don’t necessarily like doing, but their love and vision for their families is greater than anything, so they keep doing. Families who make sacrifices like this and many others looking for a chance for their families to also live their best lives.

Many are the people arguing against immigration (and oh have I heard so many different arguments on the topic) but yet only a few try to broaden their perspectives or extend empathy or support. We are a society where people are quick to close their borders, rather than reach out to those in need with open arms.

Book of the month: Paper Towns by John Green

Quote to read: Leviticus 19:33-34 “When the alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien. The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt:  I am the Lord your God.” The Bible (NRSV)

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50 Shades of Black

Moving to the states, exposed me to a different beauty of blackness. By that I mean, I was introduced to a different type of black people: the Black American. Before I moved here, I thought all black people were African, which in itself it’s not a wrong statement. We all are one. However, what I came to learn here, in the States, were the cultural differences between the two. I observed that my Black American friends were different from my African friends. I also found that some of my African friends, who were born here, shared some of same characteristics, behaviors more similar to the Black American than I (born in Africa, “straight from the boat”) understood or related to. It was eye opening.

But sometimes, especially during high school being surrounded by Black Americans and “African-Americans” (and I use that term as in 1st generation americans with african parents) sometimes I felt kind of left out. And not because I felt excluded by others (one thing I’m always grateful for is how welcoming people in my HS class were because I definitely thought I was gonna spend my first lunch in the bathroom like Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls); but because I did not get the references they made from their culture.

From the food, the music, tv shows, sometimes I had no idea what was being spoken about. Til this day, sometimes I still don’t get some references because I did not grow up here, I’ve never watched an episode of Martin or any Madea movie, when people say “they’re invited to the cookout”, I did not grow up with that barbecue outside experience, I never ate soul food (which I had to google what it meant, the first time I heard it). I have been told I don’t sound right saying some slang, mostly because of the accent, but also because sometimes I would not use it in the right context.

Nonetheless, throughout the years, I’ve come to understand more about the Black American experience, from learning about historical systematic oppression against Black Americans by this country, to the pride of the Divine 9 (fraternities & sororities), to the cha cha slide, the pop culture created by Black entertainers/influencers and the lit energy I find when I’m surrounded by Black Americans (or black people in general). It’s certainly different from experiences I share with people from other cultures.

All to say, I’m glad to be living among and learning about Black Americans. Black Americans and Africans surely have our differences (which I think are equally important to be aware of) but I think that just adds to beauty and complexity of blackness. Also, I made the commitment a couple of months ago to start watching shows that are considered substantial to the Black american experience. I completed this “survey” of black movies a person has watched and among more than 20 movies, I had only watched 2 so… I need to be cultured. I used to watch “My Wife and Kids” in Italy, and I loved seeing a black family on tv (the only one at that time, in addition to “That’s so Raven”, that was shown on Italian television actually); I just finished Living Single and I loved it. Let me know if there’s anything else I should watch (or read)!

Book of the month: Girls Like Us by Rachel Lloyd

Article to read: “Slavery and the Holocaust: How Americans and Germans Cope With Past Evils” by Deborah E. Lipstadt (The New York Times)

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The “Anger” of the Black Woman Comes From Her Strength

I can never know what it is like to be a white woman, (because I’m not one) but I can say I can relate to majority of their experiences. However I don’t think white women can relate to the experiences of black women.

They can’t relate to the fact that in addition to seeing whether I’m the only woman in a room, I first and foremost check if I’m the only black person in the room.

They can’t relate to the fact in addition to worrying about whether my opinion as a woman would be taken in consideration in the room, I worry about being perceived as angry for expressing it. It pains me but this is a very too real experience that happens way too often. It pains me that when another white strong woman voices her opinion, it’s seen as “yea you go Kate” but when a black woman does it, it’s “oh what’s wrong now, what is there to complain about now”. 1. A lot. 2.This continuously happens (I have even observed it happen with other minorities as well) that when voicing for change it is perceived as anger. Our opinions are encouraged, but are silenced because of the false perception of anger by others.

They can’t relate to the fact that when in power, in addition to our position being questioned as women, people question whether we are deserving (or undeserving) because of our skin color.

They can’t relate because in addition to tackling the stereotype of women being emotional, we are not allowed to be anything else but strong. “Because black women are strong, Adjoa, we have to be, if we are weak for one second, that is all they will see”. We are expected to do better, be the better person, because they expect us to do the contrary, they expect us to fail, and we cannot give them that satisfaction, we have to show them that we are worthy.

They can’t relate because in addition to hash tagging #metoo, we are screaming #handsupdontshoot. We fight for our black brothers. I’ve seen various accounts of black women protesting, urging to stop the killings of innocent black men, protecting black men. Same with the #metoo movement (or feminism), we lend our support (as we should as women) to a movement that mostly, however, translates into benefits for white cis-women and fails to include us. For example, the history of feminism is a prime example of how black women supported a movement that was supposed to uplift all women but that largely failed to include their needs until recently (third wave feminism- and such is even arguable).

It is unbelievably toxic that society carries such opinions and behaviors against black women. We are expected to be strong, voices for justice and equality. But yet we are never uplifted, protected or cherished. Even so we are and continue to be a graceful, strong-willed, unwavering force of nature. And that’s on that.

Book of the month: still reading Les Miserables; so Book Recommendation: “Small Great Things” by Jodi Piccoult

Article to read: “Every 3 hours a woman is murdered in South Africa” by Ashraf Hendricks Al Jazeera  #AmINext https://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/inpictures/3-hours-woman-murdered-south-africa-190905103533183.html 

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Be Kind to Your Body

I was going through some of my journal entries, and found pages, where I deeply criticized my body. Some pages from last summer made me stop and reflect on how hard I was on myself, the high expectations I had for myself that made me…well, concerned.

I began trying to think back to a time where I was truly happy with my body. Sadly, there were a few. Even in small moments when I would appreciate something about my body, my focus would quickly shift to the things that did not please me. I do that a lot, and I think it’s safe to say that unfortunately I am not the only girl (or actually person-because body image issues I found happen across all genders) to feel this way. I have been trying to understand where this pressure I have put on myself to have the perfect body comes from. The constant comparison of myself with others, the pressure from media outlets pushing a specific certain type of people as “beautiful”, the pressure from myself not allowing me to be satisfied with who I am because I’m not where I’m supposed to be. Also, “What is the perfect body anyway?”

Apart from choices made to improve my nutrition to include healthier options for my overall health, this obsession over obtaining the perfect body has not brought me anything but negative thoughts that promote negative thoughts rather than self-love. I cannot be kind to others, I cannot teach my younger sister to be love herself and be confident if I’m unkind to parts of myself. Yes it’s important to be critical of yourself to promote growth but that does not mean being negative about yourself.

I have been negative about myself, particularly my body. I’m starting to forgive myself for that and choosing to encourage myself (& others) to prioritize being in good health, and make sure that whatever actions we take for our bodies comes from a place of love, kindness and understanding.

Book of the month: Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

Inspirational video: TEDx Talk “Power of vulnerability” Brene Brown https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability