What’s next?

I always have a plan. But right now I don’t even have a pla-. It’s a bit scary because I will be graduating in about 6 months and have no idea what I am going to do during my gap year. As someone who is always on the move, kind of a planning freak, not knowing what to do next terrifies me. I don’t want to just sit home because I feel like there’s nothing for me in the city we live in, I don’t want to be a burden to my parents and I need something to do, I need a purpose, a function, I need to be useful. Oh and it doesn’t help that I’m broke. I’m so terrified, I’m calm (if that feeling can even be put to words). If that’s not enough, preparing and applying to Med School is terrifying, mind-consuming and constantly makes me question if I’m good enough. I mean I pray and believe that God will make it all happen in due time, but whew the toll on mental health: I can’t help but feel nervous, anxious, scared and at lost all the time. And as I prepare to go home for the break, having to face questions from parents about what’s next and having no answer for them is worrisome too. It’s going to be funny because I’m going to just stare at them like bruh who even knows.