Ghana Travel Blog: My Parents Really Did That!

As a child of immigrants, you are sort of always aware of the hard work and sacrifices your parents have invested into building a better life. It’s like a subtle knowledge that presents itself always in your life. You embark on a new journey or things get difficult, and you remind yourself to embody the same bravery your parents had or you tell yourself not to give up to make your (parents’) hard work in vain. 

Stepping outside your own lenses, and traveling back home you come to realize truly how far your parents have come. Being born in Ghana, I still have small memories of life before, I remember my old neighborhood, remember being shielded from hardship but still being aware of its’ presence. Now to see the life my parents have built for themselves from their even harsher past, I’m incredibly proud of them. Seeing what they have been able to build, manage while handling the many responsibilities that come with being “the one abroad”, has truly opened my heart to a deeper sense of respect for my parents. 

I had an interesting conversation with another passenger on the plane. Speaking to him ( and he couldn’t have been more than 5 years older than me), discussing how different his trip is versus mine, as him being “the only (first) one abroad”, made me realize how much having my parents had absolved me of certain responsibilities and given me the privilege to turn the other ear. To be honest, I don’t know if I would have the strength to do what my parents done for both their families. I don’t know if I would be that altruistic, be capable of successfully taking on such responsibilities that come with an African collective society.  

To be able to upgrade the entire family, embark on a journey that has entirely transformed the trajectory of our history is my parents biggest flex. 

All to say I’m proud of you, mom & dad.

Dad circa 2000
Mom circa 2003

PS. Day 2 without any internet connection and I hate to admit this but I’m going insane. Yes I could say I’m getting to appreciate little things, or pay attention to local television or be in the present etc. But let’s be real that’s bs, I want to also be social media etc. I miss Twitter.

Trip to Lapaz and Circle, Greater Accra Region

Ghana Travel Blog: Returning Home

St. Louis to Newark: I haven’t had the time to really sit and think about this trip. So much happening around me, trying to live one day at a time, I hadn’t allowed myself to think ahead or plan as I usually do, with fear of being disappointed or just not trying to set any expectations going into the experience. After taking a much deserved nap on the flight, as I open the window and stare the sky seeing the landscape of New Jersey beneath, it dawned on me how excited I am to be going home. To be home and see my family. I indulge in fantasizing about hugging my little sister and my brother who I know will push me away but still embrace me. I missed them, and soon I know this fantasy will be a reality. I smile looking outside the window. Thinking about my father, who I can’t wait to see and bother with what he calls my too much questioning as he shows me the new additions he has made to our home. I realize how much I have missed traveling. Excitement finally sets in. 

  • New York to Accra: the beautiful landscape of Ghana brings tears to my eyes. I can’t believe after 14 years I’m finally returning to Ghana. Excited can’t begin to explain the overwhelming emotions I’m feeling. This honestly ones of the smoothest flights, given that I slept all but one hour. But I’m in mother freaking Ghanaaaa. The national anthem starts playing in my head.
  • Between continuously hugging my mom who haven’t seen in a year, reminiscing over past times, and preparing for upcoming events for the weekend, I haven’t had the chance to just sit and dwell. First let me say I hadn’t realize how living in a fast pace society and my privilege with quick access to certain things had made so impatient. I mean I just have to wait til tomorrow to get some Wi-Fi to connect to my social media and Netflix and I’m going crazy. Tragic. But as I sit here with my uncle and enjoy some kelewele, I coming to realize that I am a different country. Things work differently, at a different pace. Acknowledge, accept, adjust.

Let’s talk anime

Hamtaro GIFs | Tenor

If you know me in real life or follow me on social media, you know that I am a big anime fan. I have been watching anime since I was young, actually one of my first memories is watching “Hamtaro.” Also fun fact I low key cried when I read the last Naruto (Shippuden) manga chapter and cried again during the anime like I didn’t know what was gonna happen. 

Anime is really popular in Italy, and is mainly what is shown on TV for kids, so I basically grew up watching it. I would say my love for this form of art/entertainment started due to mere exposure, however it did slowly develop into genuine interest. I think it is because I started to see in anime some important messages towards self esteem, inspiration, understanding to life, that I was not getting in other visual media at that age. 

No one has to explain why they like something, you like what you what like. Nonetheless, you can still freely talk about it, but for a while I did not really share my love for anime past my close friends because:

  • Non anime fans can be very judgmental and tend to put anime fans into a certain label ( and I kind of really dislike labels; No one fits one label) 
  • The anime community itself is incredibly critical of Black (especially female) fans and that has kind of turned me off from joining fandoms. 
Where They At Doe GIFs | Tenor
  • For a long time I was the only person that looked like me, that liked anime. Yea, I have guy friends who are big fans but guys can be so…guys. I knew there were Black girls who liked anime, but I couldn’t find them and they couldn’t find me.
Meme Wtf GIF
  • Elitism and gate keeping in the anime community. Sometimes it’s like you either know everything or you’re not a true fan. There’s a constant competition to prove that you’re a fan. Like sir, I have to remember the structures of the 21 common amino acids for my BioChem class, I don’t have time to remember what Luffy did in episode 5 of season 13…

But I love anime and it seems weird to me that I hadn’t shared one of my favorite hobbies on my blog. So I’m getting over of all that, and let’s dive in!

Untitled | via Tumblr - image #3787234 on Favim.com
As a kid I had all of the Mermaid Melody Pichi Pichi Pitch. And do I still know all the songs (in italian) by heart? Yes I do.

The most popular genre for many, including myself, is Shonen anime (defined as “generally marketed towards young teen males between the ages of 12 and 18”), which I will speak more on later. However Shojo (“japanese word for young girl”) particularly “Magical Girl Anime” is what made me truly transition from “I don’t mind watching this” to “I want to watch more of this”. (I do have to say though the definitions for Shojo and Shonen in terms of target audience are definitely outdated, anyone can watch these!)

Auguri a Mila e Shiro: 34 anni fa la prima puntata su Italia 1 - greenMe
I love that Shiro was made part of Mila’s story but not her entire focus.Like he would just pop in to give Mila some advice.

Shojo was for me, as a child and teen, where I got the message that girls could be as badass as boys, if not even more. With female protagonists who had special powers and fought crazy villains, or were striving for their purpose and worked hard to achieved their goals, I got the message that girls can save the world and decide their own paths. We are no lesser than boys, and even sometimes a bit better, not so egocentric, willing to teamwork, and still enjoy some love at the side.

Watching many, mostly 80s & 90s Shojo anime, I understood that it’s not a man’s world, we have the freedom live the life we want, we can be our own “prince” (for ourselves and other women) or whatever we like.

The Rose of Versailles (OST) - Générique de Lady Oscar lyrics + English  translation
Rose of Versailles! The grace, tenacity of Lady Oscar? Mixed with a dash of history? A fav.
Utena Tenjou - Photos | Facebook
Recently rewatched Revolutionary Girl Utena as an adult…and this anime was ahead of its times.The symbolism, analogies, discussions of gender,sexuality, abuse, life meanings.

In the shojo genre, female characters are less likely to be that “useless” female character, that can often define female characters in shonen anime, and also are less likely to be at the end of sexist stereotypes. In shojo you are more likely to find female characters whose storyline is developed past screaming the name of the main character, or being a voice of guidance for the main hero or being in love with them.

With shojo we are the main entree, not the side dish honey.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is magical-girls-and-their-historical-origins.png

With magical girl anime,as well, I get the best of both worlds: action packed fights with kickass outfits. Magical Girl anime taught me as a young girl that I’m the protagonist in (my) life. I can be fierce for myself and even though there might be a love interest, they are a side character, who I don’t have to dictate my life around. To love love, but not a man (if that makes sense). My first inspiration or realization of “girl power” and female solidarity definitely came from Magical girl anime and still influences me to this day. I deeply cherish my friendship with my girlfriends have been a source of unmatched strength, support,happiness, inspiration… my partners in crime. In other media, I often found the narrative that kind of dished on female friendships, presenting them in a more trivial way or basically a “a men’s discussion group”. Shojo showed me that there’s so much more love, strength and support to be found among girls.

Now some of my favorite animes are still Shonen. I mean the content there is just top tier, binge material. The first shonen I watched was yes, Dragon Ball. I feel like that’s a universal experience. Dragon Ball changed the game, even though I did have to ignore some racist and sexist portrayals to enjoy it.

sailor moon love GIF
[Major spoiler alert] Every time I think about Neji’s death.

My favorite anime is Naruto, I grew up watching it since it came out and when it ended I felt that was like a message saying my childhood was over. (I will do a post just dedicated to Naruto!)

10 Things You Didn't Know About Hunter X Hunter
Can we talk about Gon and Killua’s friendship!

I do have a high preference for 80s/90s shonen anime, and they get extra points if they have tournaments. I just love the dramatics and excitement from them. I mean you know the protagonist is going to win but it’s about the journey. During tournaments is when you get to see how much your favorite character has grown, they get to show the fruits of their hard work. Sometimes you get a backstory to the villain or get long speeches on the pursuit of justice etc. I love HunterxHunter just because it feels like a continuous show of various “tournaments”/“games”. Character development is truly evident is shonen anime, and even though there are similar tropes among many animes (i.e. dead parent or loved one) each individual has a unique storyline that truly defines them. You get diversity in the characters within one anime and each is given his own time to shine numerous times (well…for male characters most times).

Bandai Namco general manager talks about working on Shonen Jump games |  GoNintendo
I used to be an avid manga reader and swear by subbed anime only. But as life gets busier, dubbed anime has become my friend.

Similar messages on the importance of friendships, resilience, overcoming hardships can be found in shonen anime as well.My experience with this type is that they are genuinely more captivating and with long complex arcs. Whereas shojo can focus sometimes be romance or sort of characterized as very girly and that can limit the kind of stories made in that genre, with shonen there is a bit more variety. (I have a lot to say on this, because why is that much more substance, focus & therefore funds goes into things dedicated to “male” audiences?)

10 Things You Don't Know About Black Lagoon
One hobby I haven’t shared with the world that much is my talent in drawing and my favorite thing to draw are anime characters. Most recent drawing was Revy.

Lately I have been exploring more of the adult animation of anime (not that you nasty!). More like Akira, Cowboy Bebop, Black Lagoon,Berserk…etc which have darker and more mature themes; and I’m truly enjoying it.

Looking to expand into more specific types of anime, for example cyberpunk anime is kind of lit, I want to watch more of that.

There’s literally an anime for everyone. Find your niche and enjoy.

Happy Attack on Titan Premiere!!!


Posts to Read: “Is Anime a Safe Place for Women?” by Sonny Joachim; If you’re new and looking for a place to start with some recommendations (divided by genre) with “A Crush Course in Japanese Anime” by James Gates

Video to watch: I miss Demon Slayer, and recently rewatched How Can You Not Love Demon Slayer by Get In The Robot on Youtube. If you haven’t watched Demon Slayer,well… get into it.

P.S. I don’t own the copyright of any images included.

No ordinary girl

Before you start reading allow me to state that gender is a social construct. Also, words like “masculine” and “feminine” or “girly” or “manly” are meant to be in quotations and this is my face everytime I use them.

Gender is not a two sided coin, with just two faces, it’s a spectrum that can be expressed however you choose.

I usually write a post many months in advance and just sit on it, revisit it some more before I share it. This also happened with this piece I wrote a little over a year ago, but felt unfinished with it. I agreed with what I was writing and feeling at the time yet still felt the need to reflect deeper. So I did, and think now, while I am still learning, I am ready to share. In cursive will be the piece I originally wrote last year, then I go to reflect on the realization I have been making since then.


I know there is not a single way to define what it means to be a girl. Girls come in all shape and form with different characters. However, there is a specific type of women that are mostly represented in the media and in cultures as an “acceptable” form of a girl. Everything else is being “different”, not the “norm”. Especially growing up, I saw that a lot and was expected to act that way by my family. But I’ve never really been that way. I’ve never identified with the main female character (mostly because they never looked like me) and also because I never felt like what was considered a girly girl. My mom always pushed me to pursue certain behaviors that were attributed as feminine in our culture. I don’t quite know if it was because it was being forced on me or not but I never felt like that was me. I did want that to be me.

Yet,throughout my childhood and even now I struggle with feeling like I am not feminine enough. When I cut my hair, which was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done, but I would sometimes still feel insecure because I wanted to refrain from looking like a boy. In the first months after cutting my hair I would not wear some of my clothes (that I loved!) because they made look too boyish, I regularly got my nails done because they added a sense of femininity to me.

Im Just A Regular Girl GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look feminine, but for a long time I felt like it was the only right way to be a girl. I like to think of femininity as a spectrum and I never felt like I was the most feminine. For so long during high school and college I felt like I had to be embody what we call “a bad bitch” in order to be seen as feminine. But it’s hard to be a bad bitch all the time. Sometimes I just want to be regular.

Additionally, I have struggled immensely to view and accept beauty and fashion as strengths. I have mainly embraced them because I was taught to be always look presentable, as a way to show that I belonged and get respect, especially due my socioeconomic and cultural background (combat that all Africans are poor and unkept stereotype, but that is a different conversation).

Cardi B Asia GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

Obviously, there are a lot of issues to reflect upon after reading that. But for the sake this post I am exploring my resistance against femininity. Because the truth is I did like indulging in feminine things so why the heck was I acting like I did not and trying to suppress those feelings since such a young age! Like why.

I realize now that it’s not that I was not into beauty and fashion or other girly things. I always enjoyed nice clothes, maintenance, love doing my hair and nails, I enjoy watching fashion, makeup, skincare videos on Youtube as much as my history or political videos. I just never had the confident to accept those things, indulge in those things because I perceived them as weak. I tried to show and preferred my masculine habits more, and used those to define myself because I thought that was what it meant to be strong. I did not want my feminine side to showcase me as weak. I was very misplaced in trying to reject certain things in my desire to continue to be strong willed and – I can’t even find a word to describe what I mean that does not have a masculine connotation behind it. 

But ironic (or maybe just tragic) enough I knew that I needed to utilize my feminine side mainly in order to combat that aggressiveness that is placed onto Black women. I was aware of how my assertiveness, intelligence, nerdy tendencies were viewed as somewhat too much for a girl with my ethnicity and race.

It’s like because of sexism I did not want to accept my great “feminine” qualities but because of racism I needed to use those qualities so I would not confirm that stereotype of the angry, too masculine, dark-skinned (because yes colorism!) Black woman. Because of these issues I needed to find an intersection where I had just the right amount of femininity to still be desirable yet strong, but too intimidating for people and even worse to scare a husband away.

Imagination Spongebob Meme - Imgflip

Now that I am learning more about myself and social constructs I realize how I have been limiting myself, my skills, self esteem, confidence, growth (all of that!) to adhere to society’s level of comfort. I’ve always thought of myself as someone who likes to take risks, and in way does not care about others’ perception of beauty.

Unless it comes to fitting a stereotype.

My fear of fitting a stereotype (surrounding sex, gender, race and even sexual orientation) I realize, is because subconsciously I am subscribing to those prejudices and biases. Even though I know the blatant lack of truth stereotypes carry, I still carry those biases towards myself or others who are affected by similar stereotypes. 

In my last post I spoke about Rachel from FRIENDS and how for a while I didn’t like her also because she really indulges in pretty feminine habits. Yes, I have come to realize how wrong that was. But let’s unpack that real quick.

You Gon' Learn Today! - GIF on Imgur

Monica and Phoebe still were very gender conforming in the show, however their most highlighted behaviors were not related to their femininity. Monica was a go getter, hardworking. Phoebe was quirky and tough. Most of these attributes can easily be seen as masculine. Rachel, I would say was the most gender conforming of them all. However, at first, the characteristic highlighted the most was not her fierceness but the fact that she was the pretty girl; along with her storyline being immediately tied to a man. While Phoebe’s lack of a definitive career was made to seem more because of her choice of a nontraditional lifestyle, the lack of definitive career of the more feminine character, Rachel, was because she was the spoiled girl “who still used Daddy’s credit card”, she was the pretty one who never had to work as hard.These wacky unsubstantial storylines are constantly given to more feminine characters in the media. 

Regine Hunter on Living Single | Living single, Fashion tv, Fashion pictures

I even see that with Livin Single (just to pick another great show from that era) with Regine. Regine (I also like to point out light skin, but I will come to that later) love for and sense of fashion, beauty was supreme in that show.

However her choice to pursue those things (which are socially labeled as “girly”), to also ultimately snatch a man (well ain’t that a coincidence!), was often ridiculed and portrayed to be looked down upon.

There is always this negative connotation surrounding a character’s choice to indulge in more feminine things.

Living Single Yes GIF by HULU - Find & Share on GIPHY

Yet, Maxine, who by all means fits the more praised characteristics often associated with a man, still faced some sort of backlash, viewed as being too manly, too aggressive, and needed to be tamed. And yes, if you guessed right Maxine is dark-skinned. Having the same characteristics which are praised in a man or even highlighted as positive in a white woman (as we see with Monica, and Monica and Maxine are very similar), but vilified when it comes to a dark-skinned Black woman creates a harmful perception that continuously affects women like myself.

This sort of internal struggle that I have been experiencing my entire life, yes stems from my personal insecurities, but is deeply deeply rooted in sexist and racist stereotypes and harmful perceptions emphasized by our society and the media. 

So why was I rejecting femininity from such a young age? Because I did not want to seem weak. Even though I liked feminine things because that’s just who I am (I mean with all the magical girl anime I watched), I understand now that I was just trying to suppress them because the society viewed them as insubstantial. As a Black woman, additionally, because of racism and patriarchy, there is a lot of pressure and demand to be more feminine, sexual, strong and assertive (but not too aggressive), that makes growing up, navigating life just trying to be yourself much much more complicated.


Video to watch:The Girly Girl Trope, Explained” The Take on Youtube has a lot of videos explaining “tropes” in media and their social impact. Binge and learn.

Other favorite social commentary youtubers are: For Harriet and Tee Noir. The range of well researched content provided by these Black creators, diving into heavy or light hearted topics, challenging your perspectives…I’m here for it.

P.S. I do not own any copyright to the images included.

My love for f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

If you know me, you know I love FRIENDS, the tv show.

I love my real life FRIENDS too, even though they always make fun of me for watching this show way too many times, every year.

Itsamazing GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

Like did I convince my brother to get us the HBO Max subscription just to watch it? Yes, very much indeed (but then I discovered other amazing shows like Lovecraft Country, which is wow, amazing)!

Anyways, as it happens when you watch a show over and over again, as you grow up, you begin to realize things that kind of escape you. I’m not just speaking about the reuse of extras and outfits, or changes to the setting over seasons, or finally understanding dirty jokes that previously went right over your head. But in a way, you start to realize some character development that may also speak to your current personal life. 

Monica Geller's best looks on Friends - Insider
ˏˋ insta & pinterest: keelybxo ˊˎ˗ | Friends phoebe, Friends fashion,  Friends moments

Personality-wise, I am a Monica. No matter how many “Which FRIENDS character are you” quizzes I take (and people I meet even characterized me as a Monica), that is always the result I get. Except, the whole wanting kids and house in the suburbs thing, I agree, especially about the entire type A personality thing: the determination,overbearing, cleanliness, organization, practicality,level-headed, caring thing, and I love it. My absolute favorite character is Phoebe. Geez, that woman is amazing and hilarious! She is quirky, wise, does not take herself too seriously, incredibly kind with a mix unexpected burst of anger, honest, multifaceted, all things I (or wish to) embody. 

The one character I never really connected with was Rachel, for many reasons. At first, I never liked how much of her story was so much about how Ross desired her. I hated how the showrunners depicted the first season that way. While we got to see Phoebe and Monica’s love life pursuits from their perspectives, their own choices, I felt like Rachel did not receive that same consideration. She was instantly placed into this box labeled “for Ross” since episode one, so most of what she pursued (which was not much in the first seasons) was regarding Ross.

Yes Girl GIFs | Tenor

Everything she did in her social life was reconnected to how much it affected Ross and I would scream internally “what about Rachel”! For sometime I blamed Rachel, but now I blame the writers. I did not start liking her, and seeing her as her own individual until season 3-4 when she and Ross broke up. I know everyone was incredibly upset by that breakup scene (which ultimately was) but I was really like ‘Yea leave his ass, girl”.

That’s because that’s when they finally stop placing her in this “for Ross” box and she begins to shine as her own person. And what an incredible person!

Over the years after rewatching, and also going through some changes in life myself, I find Rachel’s character development to have been one of the best in TV history and personally she’s grown from my 5th favorite (Ross, you are always still last) to almost heading it with Phoebe at times. 

I also never quite related to Rachel, because growing up I did have a hard time seeing myself as the pretty or “girly” girl.

Flip Hair GIFs | Tenor

But, as I have matured to see the bad bitch that I am and also embrace my more “girly” tendencies, I have also come to appreciate those things in Rachel. She has shown me that is okay to be best dressed at any event if you desire so. It is okay to embrace and show off your beauty assets, indulge (responsibly!) in your skincare, makeup, clothes, and other luxuries. Not just materialistic. Indulge in other luxuries of life like pursuing and enjoying your career wholeheartedly, even if the men (or other people) in your life may not approve. 

Season 3 GIF by Friends - Find & Share on GIPHY

Rachel is incredibly resilient, funny, emotional, supportive, not afraid to stand her ground when necessary, and most importantly brave. As someone who has recently left everything behind to embrace life in a new city I can understand how frightening that must have been for her. Yet, she stuck it through.

She did the same with her unexpected pregnancy as well, and reflected that bravery many times through the show. Rachel has taught me that you can be independent and still enjoy being spoiled (or spoiling yourself). You will have a lot to learn throughout life but always persevere and be brave. 

Bravo, Rachel, bravo.


Shows to watch (if you have HBO Max): FRIENDS duh. But seriously watch “Lovecraft Country“. Great horror story centered around Black characters. Insightful on how abuse, racism, magic, love transcends over time. Bravo Misha Green.   

Book of the Month (more like monthSSS): The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood.

(Quick note I am reading this so I can read the next book of the series The Testament,because I do not know when the show is coming back on. I will do a book review on these books too. Yikes, I am behind on my book reviews lol but they are coming, your girl is struggling right now. xoxo) 

P.S. I do not own any copyright to the images included. And, Joey, Chandler and Ross are cool too.

Representation matters

This feels weird to say out loud and in some way I have felt ashamed by it for a long time but either way stay with me. 

It was not until recently that I started dreaming about Black men as my love interest. I know that’s very odd since I have dated Black men in real life and uhm…I’m Black myself. I don’t have preferences when it comes to race when dating, however it seemed like my dreams seemed to and for a very long time I felt guilty and always wondered why! 

The Notebook' is the worst and I didn't realize it 15 years ago

Growing up and even now many of the shows and books I read revolved around white stories. When we think of epic romance in TV/Cinema, they are mainly surrounding cis white heterosexual stories.

In my case, for example, even the few times when a Black girl would be present, she would be dating a white guy (or Black male, white girl). 

Tornano sui banchi di scuola I LICEALI: da questa sera su Canale 5 –  ilTelevisionario

Throughout my preadolescent years that was what I was mainly exposed to: many of the shows I watched (because that was what was available and predominant where I lived) were about white people finding love, and the few times a person of color was present they weren’t given a great love storyline, if any at all.

So for a while I thought that was the norm. I was not exposed to cinematic Black love, albeit that representation was present in my life from my parents to family and friends. However, as a teenager growing up, we all want to be what we see on tv and your actions, desires, dreams are influenced by that.

After I moved to States I did get a bit more exposure to Black love in mainstream media, but the story that mainly predominated was “struggle love”: the love complicated by systematic racism, crime, infidelity, or tragedy. I was a bit disappointed because I knew those were not the only stories Black people have. We also have crushes, we also have high school relationships and drama between friend groups, we also have high school sweethearts, college boyfriends/girlfriends, one night stands, summer and travel love stories, breakups and heartbreaks, the “opposites attract” story, friends who become more, happy marriages, but that’s not what was reflected in TV. It seemed as if Black people did not deserve or have what could be considered “coming of age” or “normal love” stories. 

Recently there has been a slow push to showcase more of Black love stories (and that of other minorities) in a more realistic light, reflective of real life in media. However, there are still some inequalities that continue to exist. For example, there is a limited access to Black content. For a while I thought it was solely because not enough shows featuring lead Black characters were being made,(I stress lead because I am deeply over the Black best friend trope in Hollywood, I’m too tired to even get into that so please read this well written piece in by Tayo Bero) but that’s not necessarily true. Saying that would be like a company saying we have not hired Black people, because there are none that specialize in our trade.

Fake News GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

Most times the reason is that a thorough research into, marketing to a particular community has not been done because that’s not what matters, and honestly the same applies to streaming services. 

How come when I go on streaming services such as Hulu or Netflix I can easily find like hundreds of rom-coms or sitcoms with white protagonists but with Black stories the content is much less or we have to look elsewhere requiring even more payment?  Why did it take so long for Netflix to make shows like Moesha, Girlfriends etc available? I also raise my nose at how quickly these shows became available due to the recent events highlighting racial injustices. By all means I recognize the efforts and I am super excited to watch these shows and keep getting more. But how come it always takes more for BIPOCs to have the same things that are granted easily to white cis hetero peers?

Personally, recognizing and acknowledging the need to expose myself to more Black stories in media, for the past years I have been consciously seeking out to read more novels and watch shows surrounding Black characters. I still have a long way to go but honestly I have been learning quite a lot about myself, the true history and cultures of different communities and broadening my understanding on so much more.

A friend of mine recently asked me why is it that suddenly all of these changes are being made to TV shows, shows being taken away because of their depiction of racism, changes to Paw Patrol, increase in shows depicting more Black stories. And the point made is the same that has pushed me to exploring more Black stories on my own, to desire more representation in media. Black people are not monolith. Represent us, and represent all of us, represent us well. 


Podcast to listen: Check out the Podcast “Chile, Anyway” by Jayden Cohen Boyce and Amira Lee discussing everything you need to know. I literally laugh out loud. 

Shows to watch: Recently finished “Everybody Hates Chris”. Another show that makes me LOL for real. If you have already watched it, go watch again. Or watch “Girlfriends”. Watch or Read something Black. Happy to make recommendations if need be.

P.S. I do not own any copyright to the images included.

Christianity and Activism

I am Christian. It’s the identity I hold most dearest. As Christians we have some responsibilities that are not easy to follow, we live striving for the best, trying to replicate God’s will, showing his  love through our actions. No Christian is perfect, we are all sinners. 

Yet, something I have noticed within the community is the (I’m not even sure the right term for it) emphasis on particular sins over others. These particular sins mostly also seem to be those that negate other people their right to choice, to human rights, to love. Many things are wrong in this world, many things that we all participate in do not reflect what the Bible states. However it’s seems that throughout history, the main things some Christians have upheld as the “ultimate” sins (again no where in the Bible are these referred to as such) are abortions, homosexuality, and recently the Black Lives Matter movement. 

I have always had much trouble understanding why that is and accepting this. I have always found several contradictions in what we preach versus what we practice. How can one be pro-life but not say a word about the mistreatments of immigrant children at the Border? How can one tell me we are one in Christ but not be vocal about discrimination against Black and Brown people? 

It seems to me that the conversation many “conservative Christians” have is never one coming from the place of love (“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13), but rather from a place aiming to castigate anyone who challenges their views on what is right.

There is this belief that constant condemnation is the right approach, over other routes that stem from understanding, mercy, and love.

For example instead of standing in the corner of the street with posts condemning a woman’s right to choose for their own health, how about getting involved in fields that work to improve healthcare so that maternal mortality rates are not so high? How about advocating for affordable childcare (which over the years has been increasing tremendously) so that families feel more economically stable to have children; just to mention a few.

Solely and continuously telling people what they are doing is “wrong” is not the way to bring by change. What is needed is an approach that includes sustainable solutions that help improve society in ways that, yes can abide by our faith, and do not involve mis-using the faith to infringe on other people’s rights. And trust me there is a way.

Yet, many christians’ mentalities is that this can not be done. It is either you are for us or against us. There is no in between. The demand is for others to follow what their notion of what the word of God is, without quite any helpful suggestions or will to do the work of meeting others halfway. How some Christians operate in bringing by the will of God is either by shaming people about the sins they are committing or by praying for the best. Many times ignoring the work that needs to be actually done. 

I have noticed this a lot in the recent stances against “Black Lives Matter” by some of my own Christians associates. 

First let me just say this really hurts. Personally, it was incredibly difficult to see people I have worshipped with, prayed with, spent time, and laughed with easily dismiss the significance of what’s currently occurring. 

How easily the harsh reality that Black people face were dismissed because it did not match their perspective of how the world is, because the demand for change does not agree with their notion of how a Christian should conduct themselves, it does not reflect what Christians should support. 

Human rights? Christians aren’t supposed to support human rights? Because if you truly have educated yourself to understand the fundamental basis of Black Lives Matter, you would comprehend what it is really about. 

At this point in history to blatantly deny/dismiss the systemic inequalities that BIPOC face in society, does not even stem from a place of ignorance but indifference. Period. To do this, is to consciously ignore the hardships that disproportionately affect BIPOC lives and state that there is no need for change.

Realizing that this was the case for many Christians was quite hurtful, because then do they truly believe I, or any other Black person, “brother or sister in Christ”, was also created in the image of God? Do they really believe that the way Black people are mistreated around the globe is how God wants it? How can they preach about kindness but not address the unkindness towards Black people? Do they realize that through their silence, they are siding with the oppressor?

Yet, sometimes what’s even worse than the silence is the continuous efforts to actively dismiss a movement that’s fighting for Black people to be shown the same compassion and love that other lives get. These efforts include but are not limited to: 

1. Saying “All lives matter because God made us all equal, and we should just stop, there’s no need for this, no need for protests or activism because God made us all equal and that’s all that matters”; 

2. Not agreeing with looting, therefore throwing the entire movement into the trash because “oh there were a bunch of looters and we shouldn’t condone violence, we shouldn’t be out there protesting because that’s taking revenge and that’s not what God wants us to do”; 

3. Posting only things that dismiss Black Lives Matter because the organization Black Lives Matter “stands for Marxism, is promoting equality for ALL black lives and that includes the LGBTQ community which is just not right, AND they are pro-choice, AND anti-capitalist so that must mean they support Marxism, well there’s our proof, it’s just wrong to stand up for such things as a Christian you know, and it’s our duty to point out what’s “wrong” 

4. “We should just pray, leave it God, have faith and it’s gonna be alright, let’s just move forward, pray that’s all we need and can do.” 

To these I urge you to think: 

1. God did make us all equal, that’s was and is his will. However that is not the reality in this world. Therefore don’t you think that if God wants us to be all equal, isn’t it also our duty to make that happen? To make sure others are treated equally? Won’t that be carrying on His will?  Yes we must have faith in the word of God (that we are all equal, that his God’s reality) but it also states “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” James 1:22 We have to do the work to make sure His will happens.

2. As much as you have suddenly become an advocate against looting, where was the exact same energy when Black lives were disproportionately murdered by police? Where is that same energy condemning the violence perpetrated by law enforcement? Why is it that this is what you have chosen to post about?

I am an inherent believer that if you are posting about something, that is what you care about. You will never see me post about motorcycles because I don’t care for them. So if the thing you post about (and sometimes the only thing) is about the looting, or how blue (or all) lives matter too, how good cops exist so this is unnecessary…etc., then in a way that is what is bothering you the most. Not the murder of George Floyd and countless others, not the fact that Breonna Taylor’s murderers and others are still free. 

So is it really about not condoning violence if you are biased to seeing violence only from the side advocating for Black Lives? 

Also where does Black lives matter equate revenge? Pro black doesn’t mean anti white.  It has been said again and again. Lack of educating oneself, lack of empathy and understanding and feelings of hate will lead one to believe that.

We are not out to take revenge. This idea again places violence as coming only from advocates. It falsely promotes the idea that Black people are out to inflict harm, when actually we are the ones being harmed. It completely negates/dismisses the sufferings done to Black lives by the hands of racism and police brutality. Many Black people and allies have died advocating against racism, we have seen acts of violence by police and racists (as recently as the case of Summer Taylor) but yet where is your post against that?

3. Do you believe Black lives matter? Is that contingent on what God has said or what an organization does? Do you think Black lives matter, yesterday, today, tomorrow? Or do they matter only when and if they are not making you uncomfortable? Only when they fit into your definition of what’s right? 

Do Black lives matter? Or do they matter only if they are not LGBTQ? Only if they are Christians, only if they do not commit crimes, only if they support all your ideals, only if they’re anti abortion or pro capitalism, only if they sit quietly and don’t demand equal rights? 

Do you hold these same contingencies for white lives? 

Is God’s love and mercy upon us contingent upon these same qualities you, a mere human being, are holding against another human being? 

Why is it that you stand up against certain sins but not all sins? Why is fighting for equal rights for Black people, why is abortion and being part of the LGBTQ community or an advocate for such community‘s access to equal rights a greater “sin” than others by your definition? Are you really preaching the word of God, stemming from a place of love and mercy or do you just want an excuse to be against something that makes you uncomfortable, gives you the entitlement to hate, gives you certain privileges?

4. If you can go to third world countries with predominantly Black and Brown children to do missionary work because they are in less fortunate situations, how come you fail to realize the less fortunate situations facing BIPOC in your country? Could it be a white savior complex that you have? Is Black people demanding equality stroking your ego because they are doing it themselves and not waiting for you to come “save” them? They are doing it in a way that doesn’t allow you to sit in your comfort, and place of privilege and doesn’t make you feel like a good person because they are calling out harsh realities? Is that what it is? Is that why we should just pray and leave it to God? How come you are not just praying and leaving it to God when it comes to your missionary work? 

Unfortunately, many Christians are not asking themselves these and many more questions. There is not enough happening within our Church to address systemic racism. Many believe that it is not the place of the Church to discuss or bring forth social change. However doing this is committing a great disservice towards the Black lives that are part of our faith. Like it or not, systemic racism also affects faith. For example socio-economic factors such as less funding for churches located in Black neighborhoods, lack of Christian-led community outreach in predominantly Black neighborhoods, resources and transportation to facilitate access to church services and meetings…and many more. In addition, the way many christians act towards “outsiders”,  the outright dismay of Black and/or LGBTQ lives, or issues affecting them, the silence when it comes to advocating for anti-racism and racial equality…does not bring people closer to God. Many times we Christians have failed to show others, the mercy and love God has shown us. We have failed for way too long and it needs to stop now. 

I often hear many Christians say the world is steering away from God, yet when the world is demanding for a change, a change that does reflect God’s will, we steer away. We exclude ourselves, on some honestly “holier than thou” nonsense. The world is not gonna change into a better place, if the people who can help make it better, do not contribute.

Christians, it our duty to get involved in social activism, it our duty to fight for our Black brothers and sister and demand for the World to show them the same kindness and compassion given to others, given to us. We can do this by starting with ourselves. 

There are many ways to help. 

  1. Deconstruct your own bias towards Black people. 
  2. Be ready and unwilling to be uncomfortable but also understand that this is not about you or ways you can make yourself seem or feel better. It is about how you can make sure that you or the person next to you does not perpetuate racism or become a victim of racism. It is about dismantling a society built on systemic racism. 
  3. Find ways to support black businesses.
  4. Choose your area of expertise or interest (which is also what I am doing now) and figure out how you can work to uplift Black voices within that field. 
  5. Willingly do the work yourself, without placing the burden on the Black people around you to educate you, or tell you what to do. For example instead of asking “how can I help”, find out on your own ways to appropriately contribute to the change. 
  6. Approach with a plan.  
  7. Engage in discussions about current events, and not one sided conversation where either you are putting Black people (or many time the only/few Black people in your church or organization) on the spot to speak or a non Black person is taking up even more space. 
  8. Ask well thought-out questions to understand various perspectives (and believe the feedback you receive even if “those were not your intentions”). 
  9. No free labor: pay the Black voices you invite to lead “diversity and inclusion” trainings/meeting etc. Advocate for equal pay. 
  10. Hire, give opportunities to Black students, employees, church leaders that extends beyond “diversity and inclusion office/task force.”
  11. Continue to learn about real Black history, continuously challenge spaces where inequality is seen, and advocate that all Black lives matter.

Just like our journey with Christ is not an easy short term path, fighting against systemic and individual racism is a life-long marathon. 

Pray and get to work. 


Book of the month: The History of Mary Prince, A West Indian Slave, Related by Herself” (by Mary Prince)

Video to watch: “I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here is why I left” Ted Talk by Megan Phelps-Roper  

WHAT CAN I DO

In moments like this it is important to take listen and action. It is important to understand how the current protests and demand for change, (highlighted by the latest deaths of Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd & many others) is not new but deeply rooted in many many years of racial inequality in our country and learn how we can (and must) correct these injustices.

There are several resources out there that can educate us on how to strive for impactful and long lasting change. I have compiled many resources to help us during these times and will work to keep it updated as much as possible. I truly thank all the sources who have taken time to create/spread these resources.

1. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

We want to strive for racial unity but cannot do so without acknowledging the past and current injustices that are fueled by racism, hate, discrimination, anti-blackness, and violence. This starts by educating ourselves and others to recognize these acts of discrimination and learning how to speak up and help. Amplify your knowledge, use and share it with others to also allow them to recognize the problem this country has. Read, watch and share. *Note some include direct links!

Books/Articles to read:

Movies to watch:

2. TAKE ACTION

In addition to peaceful protests in your community, there are several ways one can take action. From monetary donation to different causes and organizations, supporting families impacted by police brutality, supporting small businesses impacted by protests, donating masks to those who are protesting, to engaging in conversations with family and friends to promote awareness…etc. Remaining idle is not right. Remaining silent is siding with the oppressor.

Donate to organizations supporting the fight for racial justice:

Donate to raise bail funds for protestors:

Safely protest:

Black lives matter website has also create a comprehensive list of resources, tips and protection and pro bono lawyers available to safely protest. Please click here. Tread of protestors rights

Support local businesses:

Support local businesses affected by current situations. Racism is also systematic. In order to successfully dismantle racial injustices we have to be aware of how racism affects us in the many aspects of life, including disparities in distribution of wealth. That means also supporting your local and black businesses. Also reason to why I did not link the books included, to encourage us all to try and find them in our local bookstores! Thread of Black-owned bookstores

Here are gathered lists of small businesses we can support during these times. Please click here and here.

Sign Petitions

Black Lives Matter link to several Petitions to Sign

Other ways to be supportive

3. VOTE

Voting matters. A LOT. The people we vote for at the city, state, and federal level ALL have an impact on the progress of our country. Therefore with the intent of making the goals for this movement last, we must VOTE. Know when your city and states are holding election and participate.

4. LISTEN, SHARE, RAISE AWARENESS

Being a good person is not enough, learning and not sharing is not enough, being anti-racism but not actively involving yourself to challenge your implicit bias and the racism you may experience around you is not enough. We must listen, we must recognize the plight racism and police brutality have created in our society, we must share our knowledge with others and work to change ourselves and the community around us. If we can all individually even just change one heart that makes a difference. Reflect and change the narrative, start with yourself, your family, your friends, your community. Speak up.

5. TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH

These times are particularly hard and being in the middle of a pandemic does not make it any better. We must rest so we don’t burnout and take care to protect our health, physically and mentally. We are still in the middle of pandemic therefore please continue to wear masks, wash your hands frequently, sanitize your cell phones and items, carry a hand sanitizer, maintain social distancing when possible.


This list is NOT exhaustive, just a place to start. Many more resources are available. I will keep this updated as much as possible.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

I woke up today, feeling a heavy pain on my chest. In light of recent events I have been in such a cloudy mood mixed of hurt, anger, anxiety, and sadness. It hasn’t even been more than two weeks since Ahmaud and yet again another innocent black man dies and at the hands of white police officers. I am sickened to my core. I have been laying here for two hours, too hurt to move, to hurt to think about anything else. This pain and rage is constant in my mind. 

I have seen the video but I haven’t watched it. I can’t watch it. I can’t stomach that pain on top of the hurt I already feel, I know…I just can’t. And I can’t imagine what he went through, his family is going through. What numerous black families have been forced to go through because of racism and police brutality. 

It’s so obvious how much the system doesn’t  care about black lives. It really pains me to see this, to see black lives lost, pains me to see black lives targeted and deemed as less important than others, it pains me to see the BLATANT discrimination against my people, and it’s so obvious. It pains me that people always find a way to turn the narrative around blaming the innocent victims, the protestors, but fail hold the perpetuators of police brutality and racism accountable. 

It pains me to see that people who choose to stand up against racism and discrimination are more persecuted that people who discriminate, spread hate, and murder black people. It pains me to see people more outraged by the loss of PROPERTY than the loss of BLACK LIVES. It pains me to see that while we wake up burdened by the agonizing disregard for our black lives, it seems to be just another sunny day for some white people. It pains me to see that in the midst of all this BLATANT injustice, people still choose to side with the oppressor. That they decide to remain silent. It pains me to see non blacks around me, followers, classmates, acquaintances, so called “friends” stay silent on these matters SHOWING THEIR OWN DISREGARD FOR BLACK LIVES. For my black life, for every black life in their lives. 

It’s time for a change. It’s time. It’s time. It’s time. This cannot go on anymore. Black lives cannot endure anymore of this blatant disrespect and disvalue of our lives. We cannot live the rest of lives in constant danger of being killed by the system JUST BECAUSE WE EXIST. We can’t spend the rest of lives showing y’all why it is wrong, why our lives matter, we can’t go on anymore with this pain and burden. Enough is enough. 


If you think you’re an ally, that “you are not racist”, that you believe in freedom and justice for all, value the lives of your black friends, coworkers, classmates, frat/sorority brothers/sisters, colleagues…THIS IS THE TIME TO SHOW IT. Speak up! Donate! Don’t stay silent.

To non black people, your black friends see and notice when you don’t reach out to them when things like this happens. They notice when u stay silent on these matters but still post bout your daily lives. They notice and question your friendship.

Check in with your black friends. Tell them you see them, you VALUE them, you are here. Ask how you can help. Educate yourself on how u can help.

Donate to the many organizations out there trying to help, speak up about your solidarity with black lives in your group chats, within your family. SHOW YOU ARE AN ALLY.

There are many ways to help and speak up. Many platforms provide the information on how you can help. Do the research and learn ways you can help, however you can. Recognize your privilege and use it to help, do not remain silent.

P.S. I do not own the rights to this last image. Courtesy of reposts on IG/Twitter.

perseverance

the boy who harnessed the wind-william kamkwamba

So much about this book made me feel fulfilled, inspired and made me realize the importance African stories.

The author’s perseverance, love for education, resilience in not giving up even through hardships made me realize that there is nothing that should stop me from pursuing my dreams.I have been blessed with opportunities and resources and as the author stated “If you want to make it, all you have to do is try.”

I have been really appreciating and finding a different kind of satisfaction, solidarity, understanding when reading African stories.

While reading I had to pause several time just to appreciate parents, parents like William’s, parents like mine who sacrifice so much to give us plenty. Many cheers to them!