Category: Uncategorized

Let’s talk anime

If you know me in real life or follow me on social media, you know that I am a big anime fan. I have been watching anime since I was young, actually one of my first memories is watching “Hamtaro.” Also fun fact I low key cried when I read the last Naruto (Shippuden) manga chapter and cried again during the anime like I didn’t know what was gonna happen. 

Anime is really popular in Italy, and is mainly what is shown on TV for kids, so I basically grew up watching it. I would say my love for this form of art/entertainment started due to mere exposure, however it did slowly develop into genuine interest. I think it is because I started to see in anime some important messages towards self esteem, inspiration, understanding to life, that I was not getting in other visual media at that age. 

No one has to explain why they like something, you like what you what like. Nonetheless, you can still freely talk about it, but for a while I did not really share my love for anime past my close friends because:

• Non anime fans can be very judgmental and tend to put anime fans into a certain label ( and I kind of really dislike labels; No one fits one label) 

• The anime community itself is incredibly critical of Black (especially female) fans and that has kind of turned me off from joining fandoms. 

• For a long time I was the only person that looked like me, that liked anime. Yea, I have guy friends who are big fans but guys can be so…guys. I knew there were Black girls who liked anime, but I couldn’t find them and they couldn’t find me.

• Elitism and gate keeping in the anime community. Sometimes it’s like you either know everything or you’re not a true fan. There’s a constant competition to prove that you’re a fan. Like sir, I have to remember the structures of the 21 common amino acids for my BioChem class, I don’t have time to remember what Luffy did in episode 5 of season 13…

But I love anime and it seems weird to me that I hadn’t shared one of my favorite hobbies on my blog. So I’m getting over of all that, and let’s dive in!

The most popular genre for many, including myself, is Shonen anime (defined as “generally marketed towards young teen males between the ages of 12 and 18”), which I will speak more on later. However Shojo (“japanese word for young girl”) particularly “Magical Girl Anime” is what made me truly transition from “I don’t mind watching this” to “I want to watch more of this”. (I do have to say though the definitions for Shojo and Shonen in terms of target audience are definitely outdated, anyone can watch these!)

Shojo was for me, as a child and teen, where I got the message that girls could be as badass as boys, if not even more. With female protagonists who had special powers and fought crazy villains, or were striving for their purpose and worked hard to achieved their goals, I got the message that girls can save the world and decide their own paths. We are no lesser than boys, and even sometimes a bit better, not so egocentric, willing to teamwork, and still enjoy some love at the side.

Watching many, mostly 80s & 90s Shojo anime, I understood that it’s not a man’s world, we have the freedom live the life we want, we can be our own “prince” (for ourselves and other women) or whatever we like.

In the shojo genre, female characters are less likely to be that “useless” female character, that can often define female characters in shonen anime, and also are less likely to be at the end of sexist stereotypes. In shojo you are more likely to find female characters whose storyline is developed past screaming the name of the main character, or being a voice of guidance for the main hero or being in love with them.

With shojo we are the main entree, not the side dish honey.

With magical girl anime,as well, I get the best of both worlds: action packed fights with kickass outfits. Magical Girl anime taught me as a young girl that I’m the protagonist in (my) life. I can be fierce for myself and even though there might be a love interest, they are a side character, who I don’t have to dictate my life around. To love love, but not a man (if that makes sense). My first inspiration or realization of “girl power” and female solidarity definitely came from Magical girl anime and still influences me to this day. I deeply cherish my friendship with my girlfriends have been a source of unmatched strength, support,happiness, inspiration… my partners in crime. In other media, I often found the narrative that kind of dished on female friendships, presenting them in a more trivial way or basically a “a men’s discussion group”. Shojo showed me that there’s so much more love, strength and support to be found among girls.

Now some of my favorite animes are still Shonen. I mean the content there is just top tier, binge material. The first shonen I watched was yes, Dragon Ball. I feel like that’s a universal experience. Dragon Ball changed the game, even though I did have to ignore some racist and sexist portrayals to enjoy it.

My favorite anime is Naruto, I grew up watching it since it came out and when it ended I felt that was like a message saying my childhood was over. (I will do a post just dedicated to Naruto!)

I do have a high preference for 80s/90s shonen anime, and they get extra points if they have tournaments. I just love the dramatics and excitement from them. I mean you know the protagonist is going to win but it’s about the journey. During tournaments is when you get to see how much your favorite character has grown, they get to show the fruits of their hard work. Sometimes you get a backstory to the villain or get long speeches on the pursuit of justice etc. I love HunterxHunter just because it feels like a continuous show of various “tournaments”/“games”. Character development is truly evident is shonen anime, and even though there are similar tropes among many animes (i.e. dead parent or loved one) each individual has a unique storyline that truly defines them. You get diversity in the characters within one anime and each is given his own time to shine numerous times (well…for male characters most times).

Similar messages on the importance of friendships, resilience, overcoming hardships can be found in shonen anime as well.My experience with this type is that they are genuinely more captivating and with long complex arcs. Whereas shojo can focus sometimes be romance or sort of characterized as very girly and that can limit the kind of stories made in that genre, with shonen there is a bit more variety. (I have a lot to say on this, because why is that much more substance, focus & therefore funds goes into things dedicated to “male” audiences?)

Lately I have been exploring more of the adult animation of anime (not that you nasty!). More like Akira, Cowboy Bebop, Black Lagoon,Berserk…etc which have darker and more mature themes; and I’m truly enjoying it.

Looking to expand into more specific types of anime, for example cyberpunk anime is kind of lit, I want to watch more of that.

There’s literally an anime for everyone. Find your niche and enjoy.

Happy Attack on Titan Premiere!!!

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Posts to Read: “Is Anime a Safe Place for Women?” by Sonny Joachim; If you’re new and looking for a place to start with some recommendations (divided by genre) with “A Crush Course in Japanese Anime” by James Gates

Video to watch: I miss Demon Slayer, and recently rewatched How Can You Not Love Demon Slayer by Get In The Robot on Youtube. If you haven’t watched Demon Slayer,well… get into it.

P.S. I don’t own the copyright of any images included.

My love for f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

If you know me, you know I love FRIENDS, the tv show.

I love my real life FRIENDS too, even though they always make fun of me for watching this show way too many times, every year.

Like did I convince my brother to get us the HBO Max subscription just to watch it? Yes, very much indeed (but then I discovered other amazing shows like Lovecraft Country, which is wow, amazing)!

Anyways, as it happens when you watch a show over and over again, as you grow up, you begin to realize things that kind of escape you. I’m not just speaking about the reuse of extras and outfits, or changes to the setting over seasons, or finally understanding dirty jokes that previously went right over your head. But in a way, you start to realize some character development that may also speak to your current personal life. 

Personality-wise, I am a Monica. No matter how many “Which FRIENDS character are you” quizzes I take (and people I meet even characterized me as a Monica), that is always the result I get. Except, the whole wanting kids and house in the suburbs thing, I agree, especially about the entire type A personality thing: the determination,overbearing, cleanliness, organization, practicality,level-headed, caring thing, and I love it. My absolute favorite character is Phoebe. Geez, that woman is amazing and hilarious! She is quirky, wise, does not take herself too seriously, incredibly kind with a mix unexpected burst of anger, honest, multifaceted, all things I (or wish to) embody. 

The one character I never really connected with was Rachel, for many reasons. At first, I never liked how much of her story was so much about how Ross desired her. I hated how the showrunners depicted the first season that way. While we got to see Phoebe and Monica’s love life pursuits from their perspectives, their own choices, I felt like Rachel did not receive that same consideration. She was instantly placed into this box labeled “for Ross” since episode one, so most of what she pursued (which was not much in the first seasons) was regarding Ross.

Everything she did in her social life was reconnected to how much it affected Ross and I would scream internally “what about Rachel”! For sometime I blamed Rachel, but now I blame the writers. I did not start liking her, and seeing her as her own individual until season 3-4 when she and Ross broke up. I know everyone was incredibly upset by that breakup scene (which ultimately was) but I was really like ‘Yea leave his ass, girl”.

That’s because that’s when they finally stop placing her in this “for Ross” box and she begins to shine as her own person. And what an incredible person!

Over the years after rewatching, and also going through some changes in life myself, I find Rachel’s character development to have been one of the best in TV history and personally she’s grown from my 5th favorite (Ross, you are always still last) to almost heading it with Phoebe at times. 

I also never quite related to Rachel, because growing up I did have a hard time seeing myself as the pretty or “girly” girl.

But, as I have matured to see the bad bitch that I am and also embrace my more “girly” tendencies, I have also come to appreciate those things in Rachel. She has shown me that is okay to be best dressed at any event if you desire so. It is okay to embrace and show off your beauty assets, indulge (responsibly!) in your skincare, makeup, clothes, and other luxuries. Not just materialistic. Indulge in other luxuries of life like pursuing and enjoying your career wholeheartedly, even if the men (or other people) in your life may not approve. 

Rachel is incredibly resilient, funny, emotional, supportive, not afraid to stand her ground when necessary, and most importantly brave. As someone who has recently left everything behind to embrace life in a new city I can understand how frightening that must have been for her. Yet, she stuck it through.

She did the same with her unexpected pregnancy as well, and reflected that bravery many times through the show. Rachel has taught me that you can be independent and still enjoy being spoiled (or spoiling yourself). You will have a lot to learn throughout life but always persevere and be brave. 

Bravo, Rachel, bravo.

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Shows to watch (if you have HBO Max): FRIENDS duh. But seriously watch “Lovecraft Country“. Great horror story centered around Black characters. Insightful on how abuse, racism, magic, love transcends over time. Bravo Misha Green.   

Book of the Month (more like monthSSS): “The Handmaid’s Tale” by Margaret Atwood.

(Quick note I am reading this so I can read the next book of the series The Testament,because I do not know when the show is coming back on. I will do a book review on these books too. Yikes, I am behind on my book reviews lol but they are coming, your girl is struggling right now. xoxo) 

P.S. I do not own any copyright to the images included. And, Joey, Chandler and Ross are cool too.

Changing Locations

Moving to a new place on my own has opened my eyes to a different perspective. I’m not new to changing environments but this time has presented some responsibilities related to what we call “adulting”. There have been some challenges and many many learning experiences, all eye opening and can solely be learned by being completely on your own without friends and family.

What made me reflect a lot is how blessed I am to have moved to somewhere where, well first, I made a conscious decision to move, I can afford to be well financially, I speak the language and where I’m doing something I actually love. It made me think of all other people who change environments under more drastic circumstances or without supportive systems in place.

We all approve of it when people we know accept new opportunities in other environments, I mean why not, it makes sense. Yet, some individuals find it so hard to extend that same “approval” when people (not like them or that they don’t know) do it for the somewhat same reasons or sometimes even more serious, life-or-death like reasons. It’s perplexing to me that this double standard exists.

I have reached a different level of admiration for families who immigrate to a different country, despite language, social and political barriers, in search of greater opportunities for their families. I admire (and grateful for) my parents for doing so and dragging me along their immigration journey, bouncing from continent to continent, so that I can now be staying in a place where I am currently living my dreams and have ample chance to achieve more. I know and keep thinking about how hard it must be for families like my own who continuously do this. Families in which parents give up their own degrees & professions (because sometimes it’s really challenging to get that same certification in a different country) for something that they don’t necessarily like doing, but their love and vision for their families is greater than anything, so they keep doing. Families who make sacrifices like this and many others looking for a chance for their families to also live their best lives.

Many are the people arguing against immigration (and oh have I heard so many different arguments on the topic) but yet only a few try to broaden their perspectives or extend empathy or support. We are a society where people are quick to close their borders, rather than reach out to those in need with open arms.

Book of the month: Paper Towns by John Green

Quote to read: Leviticus 19:33-34 “When the alien resides with you in your land, you shall not oppress the alien. The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt:  I am the Lord your God.” The Bible (NRSV)

Eat It Right

I think about my health a lot and for some time now I have been more conscious about the food I eat, and taking more actions to improve my nutrition. Whether through meal prepping, adding more vegetables, eating less processed food (I was never a fan of frozen and packaged meals) or making sure my plates are balanced, I try my best to make sure I’m eating a healthy diet.

However, this lifestyle is really difficult because eating healthy is not always what we want to do or what we think tastes good, it’s not cheap, it’s not readily available and it’s time consuming. (Plus I really love candy and I don’t how to live without it lol).

Nonetheless by eating right, I definitely feel positive changes in my body, my mood and energy. Proper nutrition is really key to a healthy life and decreases the risks of developing many illnesses.

I recently went to a seminar that profoundly challenged me to think about the struggles surrounding nutrition. The challenges due to finances, lack of access to proper foods, surrounding environment being a food desert, the American culture itself that does not promote or allow people to follow a healthy diet. It is true that many of us struggle to eat healthy because we can’t afford it, we don’t know what to cook (or how to cook as reiterated in the seminar), and are not educated on the foods we eat and their nutritional value (or lack of).

Recent incidents of forever 21 sending diet bars to its plus size clients or the Macy’s mom jeans plates also make me realize how society is taking the wrong approach of shaming people as a way they think is “promoting healthy nutrition”. Eating small portions is not a healthy diet, eating diet bars to lose weight is not a healthy diet. Instead of this, we should focus on educating ourselves about what foods benefits our health, advocating for cheaper prices for healthy foods and for more access to food resources for those without, and changing our diets to benefit our lifestyle and health and not to fit in jeans.

Even as I write this I know it’s easier said than done. But it’s important to be aware of these facts and challenges about our nutrition and make the effort to eat right.

P.S. find out more about what I learned from Dr. Edwin K. McDonald at https://thedocskitchen.com/

Vulnerable Thoughts on a Tuesday night- June 18th

I find myself at the beginning of a new biomedical program questioning whether I belong there or whether I belong in the medical field. Even though I have research experience, sometimes I feel very insecure about the fact that I don’t have a lot of medical volunteer or clinical experience from my undergrad. It makes me feel like that my passion for medicine is not enough (especially compared to other medical students), that maybe I’m not made for this. I know I am, I know that I have a passion to research medicine, provide treatments to directly improve the health of marginalized communities and improve policy affecting the care these communities can receive. That’s what I want to do with all my heart and I have involved myself in experiences that will enrich me and train me for my future career.

Nonetheless often I feel that I haven’t done enough, I’m not enough to continue this journey and get into medical school. I don’t know if anyone else goes through imposter syndrome, but it’s so real to me especially when surrounded by great students who have accomplished so much I admire that I begin to downplay and second guess my accomplishments and deem them as irrelevant.

Professors and medical researchers I have worked with and mentors I have met, have stressed to me numerous times that I belong in this field and to walk tall…and I definitely try my best to believe that but it is still difficult not to give way to my doubts

….

I live my life, trying my best to live in the moment. It’s hard as an over thinker to not dwell on the past, but through prayers I have learned to be better and leave things in the past or as I like better to say in the hands of God. However, sometimes I feel like God is toying with me… this might not be right to think. But, every time I seem to have moved on & “forgotten” about a certain someone who broke my heart, God brings little things back. I will have an encounter, see a picture, or hear the name…subtle things that as much as I hate still get a reaction of surprise, annoyance, curiosity out of me. I have prayed many times to remove such reminders from my life but as soon as I move on, something brings me backwards. It’s like I keep trying to close a door that will not stay shut. Yes, closures are overrated but how do I move on without them?

Saying Goodbye

Today at work, as I walked around, I realized that this might truly be the last time I do this, that I’m on this campus. Yes it’s been almost three weeks since graduation, but it still hasn’t settled in. I never really paused and digested the fact, as I was enthusiastic about the prospect of moving onto the chapter of my life.

However, today I decided to take a moment, walk by Lake Fred (get chased by one of those big flying insects) and reflect on the chapter of my life at Stockton.

One of my favorite memories will be the start of my junior year, becoming a TALONS (The Activity Leaders of New Students) and part of the student development team. I don’t know what I was on but my energy and enthusiasm was at all time high and everyone surrounding me was on the same energy level and it was great. It was the first time I really felt connected with my peers and also felt that I was giving back to the community as a TALONS, part of the student development team, eboard member to great organizations and a senator.

For that I want to say thank you; to all of sky and orange triblets for letting me share an awesome experience with you; to my fellow co-TALONS for showing me what it means to be kind, fun and a role model for others; to the student development team for teaching me how a friendly, safe and encouraging working environment is key to success; to my fellow African sisters from the ASO eboard for all the laughs and amazing fashion shows; to Model UN for adhering to my passion for global affairs and bringing me some of my closest friends (#MUNlove); to Student Senate for helping me find my voice and learning to stand up for what I believe in; to my lab partners and professors for making me fall more in love with science; and to everyone I spoke to who in someway impacted my time at Stockton.

Surely, it took me sometime to find my home at Stockton and even with that it was a wonderful adventure full of tears (shout out to Chem and Physics), laughs, frustrations, joy and great opportunities for growth. I’m grateful and now ready to embrace life and see what awaits me outside of Jersey.

P.S. To fellow freshmen or sophomores reading this, those great moments will come, live fully in them, cherish them, find your passion and work on it. Everything else will work out; and if and when you still find yourself lost, embrace it and learn from your experiences…you won’t have everything figured out by senior year but if I have learned anything: is to have Faith.

Sorry, Not Sorry

I always feel, no felt, guilty about putting myself first. I don’t know, it was just something about thinking about myself and prioritizing me, that made me feel unreasonably selfish. I mean good people put others first, right? That’s what I thought you know, and that it’s bad to be selfish. No, not necessarily.

Something that I have noticed is that I am not alone in feeling this way. Especially looking at other student-leaders, especially females, I feel like we are always hesitant to say no, to put ourselves first, to take time for ourselves. We are always somehow apologizing for not living to some sort of standard, or letting other people down, but as the character of Blake Lively said in the movie “A Simple Favor” (if you haven’t, you should totally watch it), we should stop saying sorry -‘it’s a fucked up female habit”. And that’s true, stop saying sorry, especially when it comes to taking care of yourself.

It’s okay to say “fuck it”. I’m not promoting not giving a crap about anything, but if you are like me you may tend to overthink, overanalyze, over-stress over situations. So sometimes, for your own sanity it’’s good to let things go and let life just happen.

I like to have control so I can understand if this seems really hard to do, but I have learned that you can’t control everything and you just need to have faith that somethings are just going to work out. Somethings will survive without your involvement, your club will be okay if you take a day off to dedicate to other commitments, it is okay to postpone a deadline you’ve set for yourself if other things come up, people are going to be okay if you respond to that email in a fews hours or even the next day. Trust me. I was the type to always respond to emails or text messages IMMEDIATELY, but now I decide to let it wait because I have other things to focus on (yes naps count) and I have come to recognize that nothing is going to collapse without my immediate response. You can be on top of things without sacrificing your own feelings or wellbeing. It is okay to say you can’t handle this, or to delegate responsibilities to others and trust your teammates to do their jobs.

I noticed that I am always checking up on others, making sure that everyone and everything around me is okay (which is a great thing to do-be supportive of your colleagues, friends and family) but then I would not deal with my own feelings and problems. I would not check up on Adjoa. At the cost of making others feel better, I would sacrifice my own thoughts. That’s not healthy. Also because things would end up piling up and piling up and what a mess I was when I broke down!

So now it’s not that I care less about other things or people, I just care more about me, you know. I factor myself more into the equation. People around you may notice and feel like you don’t care about them, or are distancing yourself but it’s not your responsibility to make other people feel better about your decisions (especially for yourself). No one but you has to be okay with you.

Plus you can’t make others feel good, if you yourself are not good. So before asking how so and so is doing, ask yourself about yourself. Check yourself before you check others.

This is the time for us to be “selfish” to concentrate on ourselves, to get to know who we are without external influences, to learn how to take care of our mental health, to learn how to stand up for our decisions/opinions. We have to learn this now, so that we can learn to conquer the real world without sacrificing ourselves.

Disconnected

Yesterday I woke up feeling the desire to disappear. I just wanted to hit pause for a bit, you know? I just wanted to stop and live, just me, with no outside influence .

I wake up and the first thing I check is Instagram and I got sick and tired of looking at other people’s lives. I didn’t need to know what others were doing to inevitably compare my life to theirs. But I felt like it was something I needed to and did (too much) everyday. I used Instagram for laughs too because God the internet is so funny, or to relate to others because it’s good to see that I’m not alone going through something’s, or to boost my confidence because it’s one of the only places I see girls who look like me shown and represented in a good way too, and to connect with friends because that’s a gift of social media.

Nonetheless I disconnected. At first I felt good you know. It was like a big relief, I don’t know,it felt right. But it was challenging: I noticed I would pick up my phone and not having nothing to check I would put it back down and go back to my book. A few minutes later, the same routine repeat the routine again.

The big surprise is not that I missed looking into what others were doing, or any of the things mentioned earlier but I noticed how many times I felt the need to make a post. Something would happened and I would reach for my phone because I have to post about it, then realize no. I was so surprised by how much it happened so much and questioned why do I feel the constant need to post certain things? Is it because it’s a way for me to show or share parts of my life with others? Is it a way to see who cares enough about me to see what I’m doing?

I liked being disconnected, but I hated feeling disconnected from others.

All in all I lasted a day (😂💀). It felt good to disconnect for a day, I will challenge myself and you too to take a break more often.

What’s next?

I always have a plan. But right now I don’t even have a pla-. It’s a bit scary because I will be graduating in about 6 months and have no idea what I am going to do during my gap year. As someone who is always on the move, kind of a planning freak, not knowing what to do next terrifies me. I don’t want to just sit home because I feel like there’s nothing for me in the city we live in, I don’t want to be a burden to my parents and I need something to do, I need a purpose, a function, I need to be useful. Oh and it doesn’t help that I’m broke. I’m so terrified, I’m calm (if that feeling can even be put to words). If that’s not enough, preparing and applying to Med School is terrifying, mind-consuming and constantly makes me question if I’m good enough. I mean I pray and believe that God will make it all happen in due time, but whew the toll on mental health: I can’t help but feel nervous, anxious, scared and at lost all the time. And as I prepare to go home for the break, having to face questions from parents about what’s next and having no answer for them is worrisome too. It’s going to be funny because I’m going to just stare at them like bruh who even knows.